


Talented

by wildfrancium



Series: Neon Lights [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dystopia, Established Relationship, Exy, M/M, Sci-Fi Elements, Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-10 11:16:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14735943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildfrancium/pseuds/wildfrancium
Summary: Now an official part of the Foxes, Neil's sets off to train for a proper showdown with Riko Moriyama. Andrew is with him every step of the way as Neil learns to navigate and accept his new life and new fate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Woo part 2! This opening chapter is basically a catch-up for what's been happening between Skilled and where this fic starts. I hope everyone enjoys because I've got some good stuff planned! Thanks for reading!

Neil was cleared for full workouts on July 1st. Abby had gotten the good stuff, and after painfully healing quickly, he was considered full recovered. Spending the entire month of May feeling his bones physically knitting back together had almost killed him, but Andrew got him through it. He made baths for Neil and helped stretch and bend his aching limbs. 

Riko’s name was still carved into his chest. He said once they beat the Ravens, he’d get skin grafts to replace it. Like Kevin had done. And like Jean had done. But Neil didn’t want to be out of commission for longer than he needed to be. 

In June, he did rigorous, or as rigorous as Abby and Wymack let it be, physical therapy. His fingers were the worst to retrain, but thanks or no thanks to his mothers training, his body remembered the old ways. June was full of long runs, agility training, and rebuilding reflexes and hand eye coordination. 

When Neil was cleared to hold a racquet and work with Kevin at the practice gym, Andrew trailed along to lounge on the bench and eat ice cream cookie sandwiches. Kevin didn’t begin by throwing balls at Neil like he’d expected. Instead he ran through various intense drills and told Neil to master them or he’d be on the bench the entire season like the pathetic fuck he was. 

Neil just rolled his eyes and pushed himself. Being shit at something irritated him especially when it was his body had been put through the meat grinder. He was on the team to be something. 

He was on the team to rise above everything and take hold of his life the best he could.

He was there to shit all over Riko. 

But his accuracy was shit and his aim was off and his stamina was terrible. His saving grace was that he was fast, but once checking was added, Kevin said Neil would for sure end up a pancake. 

Neil threw down his equipment to fight Kevin, but Andrew showed up to grab his collar and drag him away. 

Summer inched along with just Neil, Kevin, and Andrew to chaperone. Progress was slow, but Neil welcomed the ache and burn. He relished in the sweating and the blisters. Ice baths were his new home. The gym was his playground. The court was his sanctuary. 

The other Foxes gave Neil a wide berth at Wymack’s request. He said for as much as Andrew could vouch for Neil, he was still a stranger and could pose a threat. The Lower Level was off limits for the entire team until further notice and Wymack said if Neil so much as looked at the black market, he’d write Neil’s name on the bench and make it his permanent home. 

Neil felt both caged and free. He felt stuck between two worlds. He didn’t like being told he couldn’t go somewhere, but he was glad to be free of the Lower Level. He told himself he was rising from the ashes of shitville and it made Andrew roll his eyes.

Neil slept in Andrew’s room in Andrew’s bed with Andrew. It was a treat Neil looked forward to each night even though the moment he was in bed he could barely keep his eyes open. If it bothered Andrew that Neil basically slept and trained, he didn’t show it. When Neil tried to apologize Andrew told him all that matter was that Neil was safe.

 

“Let me practice with the others,” Neil said again as he aimed for the goal. For saying he was a poor goalie, Kevin blocked more shots then Neil expected. It made him angry. He told himself it was because Kevin was better than he said he was. 

Kevin said Neil was just easy to read. His moves were slow, sloppy, and predictable. When Neil tried to go after him, Kevin threw balls at his knees until Neil was on the ground yelling that injuring him wasn’t a proper form of training.

Kevin asked Neil if he looked like the fucking coach. 

“No,” Kevin said smacking the ball away from the goal. Neil grit his teeth. 

“I’m ready!” he snapped, shooting another ball. Kevin ignored him and swatted it away. 

“Tell them to at least let Jean practice,” Neil said. There were a lot of conditions regarding Jean. His contract was for one season and then he’d use the Foxes as a stepping stone to the Trojans who were trading draft picks for Jean in the season after. Andrew had it all explained in detail by Wymack after threats to single handedly break every bone in Jean Moreau’s body. 

So far, Andrew’s conditions were he stayed away from Neil until the regular season started and they were forced to be on the same court every day. Neil said it wasn’t necessary and that he trusted Jean since he helped save him. Neil could understand the following orders part. 

Andrew wasn’t so easily convinced. Everything with Jean smelled like an elaborate trap to him and he told Neil that Jean was probably going to choke Neil with the trust he gave. 

Neil wanted anyone to help him train though and another Raven sounded like the perfect fit. 

Kevin went on a rant about how Neil wasn’t worthy enough to practice with him let alone Jean. 

That time Kevin body checked Neil hard when he went for him. As Neil lay wheezing, Andrew walked onto the court to tell Neil to stop being an idiot and that Neil annoyed him more than ever. 

But that didn’t stop steamy makeouts in the showers after. Neil bare and aching and Andrew fully clothed and taking everything Neil had to give. 

 

“I still can’t really believe it. That I’m here. That I’m alive,” Neil said staring at the dark ceiling. Andrew grunted at him. Neil folded his hands on his chest. “I don’t like the ban on the lower level though,” he said. “I have things to buy. I hate buying the expensive mods,” he grumbled. Andrew grunted again. 

Neil had slowly been rebuilding his laptop. He wasn’t working, but Andrew’s sensor was still up and running and set to receive a digital upgrade the next day after his violent outburst at the finals in May. AKA the night Neil was taken. 

Neil didn’t get full details, but there were lots of threats and punches thrown until Wymack physically handcuffed Andrew to himself in order to escort him out of the arena and get him into a car. None of it surprised Neil. Andrew said he hadn’t even wanted to go out on the court until he saw Neil. News articles said they’d never seen Andrew so animated. 

But the violence draw the eye of the court board and Andrew’s doctors who immediately recommended an upgrade and a dosage increase. Andrew remained silent at the meeting. Silent and unmoving and ignoring everything they had to say. 

Neil told him it was nothing he couldn’t take care of before Andrew ripped his arm off with his own hands. Andrew would never say the articles bothered him, but Neil was sure the ones that painted him as a vicious animal that needed to be sedated, got to him in their own way.

Neil turned his head, trying to focus on Andrew’s face in the soft light. “I love you,” Neil whispered. He felt Andrew’s eyes boring into his face after he said it. Neil waited. 

Andrew reached across Neil to take a scarred hand. He uncurled Neil’s stiff fingers and ran his thumb over Neil’s palm. Neil held his breath. Andrew pulled Neil’s hand to his lips and gently kissed the delicate skin on the inside of Neil’s wrist. 

Neil felt his entire being light up and he sighed happily. When he was healing, Andrew had discovered the trick. It was a way to soothe Neil while he was suffering. A soft caress of lips and sometimes tongue that drove Neil wild. He loved it. 

Andrew repeated his actions with Neil’s other wrist. “Shut up you’ve been annoying all day,” Andrew said, giving Neil’s wrist one last tiny kiss before he let go of Neil. Neil smiled into the dark, trying to see Andrew’s face in the dark. “And shut your damn eyes and go to sleep,” Andrew grumbled.

Neil grinned wider, but shut his eyes and listened to his heartbeat. Every moment felt like his wildest dreams come to life and honestly? Neil loved every minute of it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to preface with I don't hate Aaron and his relationship with Neil is going to improve. It's just going to take some time. Thanks for all the lovely comments!! I'll get around to answering them soon I've just been busy! Enjoy!

Aaron had decided to show up at Andrew’s condo every day since Neil officially moved in. He usually brought Katelyn to further annoy Andrew. Andrew refused to open the door on multiple occasions and waited until Kevin crawled out of his cave and answered the door.

Aaron would stomp in and sit with his arms crossed on the couch. Neither brother would talk. Katelyn would hover in the kitchen trying to stay out of the way and Neil would go about his day as normal.

He hadn’t realized that Katelyn was one of the Foxes Cheerleaders until he saw her wearing a shirt for it. Neil asked her polite questions because he felt awkward eating in the kitchen while she stood there looking out of place. 

Then Aaron would walk in all huffy and shooting daggers at Neil. Neil rolled his eyes. 

“If it weren’t for the fact that you’re identical twins, I’d be able to tell you two were related because you’re both possessive as fuck,” Neil said loud enough for everyone to hear. 

Aaron rolled his eyes and the hostility spell was broken when Kevin said it was time to practice. The five of them left at the same time, but Aaron and Katelyn luckily didn’t follow them to the arena. 

 

“He thinks he’s helping by keeping an eye on me,” Andrew said to Neil while Neil laced his shoes. Neil rolled his eyes. 

“Tell him you hate it,” he said even though he knew Andrew did. “Tell him to go bother Nicky. Tell him to do something, anything else.”

He knew Andrew had. But Nicky was busy with his boyfriend visiting and all the other Foxes were off enjoying vacation time. Not that any of them would want to spend time with Aaron. Maybe Matt would. 

“It’ll change when the season starts,” Andrew said. Neil sat up and tied his hair back with his bandana. Pre season practices started with workouts next week and after everyone had their workout designed for them, they’d meet at Court and begin the real work.

That meant practice with everyone including Jean.

Everything on the Riko front had been suspiciously quiet aside from articles and social media posts bashing the Foxes for taking Jean from the Ravens when they’d already taken Kevin. They got a lot of hate mail but it nicely overshadowed Neil being signed. 

Wymack had shown up the other day to warn them though. Warn them that while security was going to be tighter, they all had to be smart and not go looking for a fight.

“I don’t want to go to any of your fucking funerals,” he’d finished with. Neil read up about the player that overdosed two years ago. Rumor among the Foxes was it was Riko that took him out. Andrew said it was his sensor. He had one for anti-depressants and he got more and more addicted to the drugs them pumped into him until it destroyed him. Neil heard rumor of drug experiments like that. The government wanted to know how far their control reached. How much money they could suck out of someone. 

Neil took his helmet from his stall and headed out fully armed. Kevin got joy out of checking Neil, but after a few weeks Neil was able to bounce back even after a hard full body check. The Foxes didn’t play too dirty, but there were plenty of other teams who made up for it. Three of those teams were in their division. There was East, Central, South, and Pacific. They were currently in the South Division. Twelve to fourteen teams per division, top three per division went to playoffs, and winners moved on after best of five. The Foxes were established almost forty years ago and last year was the first year they made playoffs. 

 

Neil ran through the Raven drills embedding them in his body, his memory so that he could move without thinking. Kevin didn’t say he was impressed with Neil, but he did say Neil was easy to condition. 

Neil felt like he was being rebuilt into something he never imagined. He’d gone from skinny, starving street rat, to 170 pounds of pure muscle. He was stronger and faster than he’d ever been. His reflexes improved by the minute and his coordination was finally meeting Kevin’s lowest standards. 

He was sweating and breathing hard when Kevin finally called for a break. Neil headed off court and collapsed on the floor by the team bench. Andrew was lying on it looking at his phone, but he passed Neil a water bottle.

“There’s a problem,” Andrew said flatly. 

“What?” Neil asked stretching sore muscles.

“Wymack and Dan have decided to match everyone up with a mandatory training partner,” Andrew said. Neil wasn’t really listening. 

“Okay.”

“For the first month of pre season training you are to work in the gym with your partner and then run through drills with your partner. As the month continues we will work in bigger and bigger groups to create more of a cohesive team,” Andrew read. Neil nodded along. “You’re with Aaron.”

“Wait, what?!” Neil sputtered. Andrew ignored him.

“Wymack added that he won’t change his mind even if I threaten him.”

“We aren’t even the same position!” Neil shouted. “I’d be better with Kevin!”

Andrew shrugged. Neil slammed his water bottle down and headed back onto the court. Without having Kevin to train with he was sure he was going to lose momentum.

 

=============================================

 

Wymack’s training partner plan was doomed to fail. Neil just didn’t know if he and Aaron would ruin it first or if Andrew and Jean would. Or maybe even Allison and Kevin who had spent thirty minutes arguing about the proper flow of a workout routine. 

Dan was with Nicky who seemed almost relieved and Matt and Renee worked together like a fine tuned machine. The exercise was clearly not made to torture them. Probably because they knew what teamwork meant. 

If Neil didn’t feel so jealous of Allison, he’d feel sorry for her since Kevin was stubborn like a goddamn mountain and he wouldn’t really wish that on anyone. 

The last time Neil had seen Jean was on a TV covering the Ravens game. He looked about the same, but the dark circles under his eyes looked better. But his eyes were still blank and he made no move to speak to Neil or even look at him. 

Andrew’s irritation with working with Jean permeated the entire gym even if his expression said nothing. And Neil was stuck with Aaron looking like he was planning to gut Neil with his bare hands. 

“Don’t touch me,” Aaron said for the thousandth time. That was all he said besides snickering at the amount of weight Neil could lift. Aaron was at 200 and Neil struggled with 155. According to their papers, Aaron was weakest at agility while Neil was low at basically everything. He had extra things padded into his workout to use his hands and fingers. Neil thought Aaron would have laughed at that too, but he didn’t.

 

Exy with Aaron was worse. He wasn’t Kevin, but he wasn’t any better. Being defensive, it gave Neil a proper opponent to practice against, but despite being shorter than Neil, Aaron was a goddamn solid steel wall. None of Neil’s checks could move him and when he barreled into Neil, Neil went sprawling. 

To add to the frustration, he was also pretty great at blocking Neil’s shots. His skills weren’t far behind Andrew’s and it pissed Neil off. It was like staring at the evil version of Andrew. Someone who mocked Neil and whispered slurs under his breath. 

At the end, Neil lost the war with himself and spun to punch Aaron in the stomach. Aaron grunted, grabbing Neil’s face mask and throwing him to the ground. People were shouting as they punched each other and it was Jean who pulled Neil off. 

“How the fuck are you supposed to play Exy if you break each others fucking bones?” Jean snapped, tossing Neil towards Matt who grabbed his jersey to keep Neil from lunging at Aaron. “This team is a joke,” Jean said and left. 

That was how day one of pre season started and Neil knew it was only the beginning. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I love cheeky Neil. Enjoy!

Pre season training didn’t get any better. They were in the second week and Neil was pretty sure the rift in the team was too big to be patched anytime soon. The only ones who seemed to be benefiting were Jean and Andrew, to everyones shock. Jean and Andrew went back and forth pissing each other off, but it helped their game. 

Andrew blocked all of Jean’s shots and moves to make him angry. He told Andrew he was talented and Andrew would shut down. It drove Kevin nuts, so he yelled at them and Allison. And Neil and Aaron while he was at it. 

Dan was getting better at getting Kevin to chill, but that didn’t mean they were going to play better together. Their first in house scrimmage was getting closer and Neil didn’t know if he was relieved to face off against Aaron or not. 

Their new thing was to pinch each other. It hurt, but pissed Aaron off way more than it bothered Neil. Aaron was hellbent on attempting to destroy Neil, but eventually Neil was tired of whatever got Aaron so worked up.

 

“He thinks because of the brain damage people took advantage,” Andrew said again one night. “But the first few years we were here, he was too drugged to notice. I have bad habits,” Andrew said. “Had bad habits,” he rephrased, “and they scared him when he finally noticed.”

“Like the panic attacks,” Neil said. Andrew nodded once.

“I never told him about all the dicks I willingly sucked because that made those behaviors worse and he would have done something idiotic.”

“How many dicks have you sucked?” Neil asked, slightly surprised.

“Three. Two in juvie and one out.”

“And they were consensual?” 

“Yes,” Andrew said. “Although other people don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves.”

“And then what would happen?” Neil asked. Andrew stared at him. A minute ticked by and then two. Andrew sat up reaching for his cigarettes and lighting up. Neil sat up too and waited. Andrew blew smoke into the air, looking off into the darkness of the room. 

“Washing my hands,” Andrew said at last. He turned to look at Neil with dull eyes. The words sounded like they were forced out. A secret in a tightly seal box. “And my clothes and showering. Sometimes it’d make me sick especially when I couldn’t be clean.”

Neil nodded, not knowing what to say. 

He remained silent as Andrew got up and left the bedroom. Neil lay back with a sigh thinking about what Andrew said. He hadn’t noticed any excessive washing except for the day he was having a panic attack. He wished Aaron could see that, that being with Neil wasn’t driving Andrew into old habits. 

Neil stared at the ceiling. He commended Andrew greatly for even wanting to do sexual acts after everything. Neil had urges once. His mother beat it out of him and as he got older, he got less interested until Andrew came along. He wanted to do whatever Andrew wanted and knowing that scared Neil a little. He was so willing to give up control to Andrew because he trusted him.

He hadn’t trusted anyone fully since his mother and she sure as hell didn’t trust him.

Andrew did though. They had mutual trust between them. 

The door shut and Neil looked up to see Andrew return to the bed. 

“Why are you still awake?” Andrew asked. Neil shrugged. 

“I was waiting for you.”

“Well, that’s stupid I’m going to sleep,” Andrew said and turned his back to Neil. Neil knew he was a liar. Andrew could only sleep with a wall at his back and his eyes on the door and Neil. 

Andrew rolled over a minute later and Neil was sure he saw a scowl pass over his face. “Why are your eyes open? Go to sleep,” Andrew said. “Stop staring it’s weird and you know it is. You’re so annoying,” Andrew said in a rush. Neil just smiled and it turned into a yawn.

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Neil said sleepily. Andrew reached out and pushed against Neil’s face until he turned his head away from Andrew. He smiled against Andrew’s rough palm. Andrew grunted at him.

“Shut up and go to sleep,” he ordered. Neil bit his tongue to keep from laughing, but fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

 

Neil ran with Kevin in the early morning. Kevin pushed Neil the entire time. Faster, harder, further. When they got back Aaron and Katelyn were always there. Neil would make breakfast alongside Kevin while Katelyn sat quietly in the kitchen. 

The twins weren’t doing well. Tension between them was high and they’d taken to muttering things to piss each other off. Aaron’s temper was rather explosive while Andrew remained calm and cool. 

Neil had gone so far as to call Nicky over and try to diffuse the situation. He couldn’t do much but did get each twin to admit the problem was Neil and Katelyn and neither twin was about to back down or end their relationship. 

“They need to realize they are at a draw,” Kevin muttered as he measured his breakfast out. 

“They do but they are both stubborn,” Katelyn said without looking up from her phone. Neil agreed with her. Both were as unmoving as a mountain. 

Andrew entered the kitchen and stood next to Neil. Aaron had followed him. 

“Do you want me to make you anything?” Neil asked Andrew. He glanced over to see him gripping the sink white knuckled. “Andrew?”

“Shut up Neil,” he grit out. Neil chewed on his lip worried. Everyone was in the kitchen, so Neil knew he wouldn’t say if anything was wrong. “Yes or no?”

“What?” Neil asked. Andrew turned to look at him. 

“Yes or no?”

“It’s always yes Andrew,” Neil barely finished saying before Andrew was grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss. He raked his fingers through Neil’s hair and Neil groaned. Only to then remember they had an audience. Andrew broke off the kiss and Neil went tomato red. 

Andrew turned to Aaron. “See?” he barked at his brother.

Aaron looked furious. 

“Now leave!” Andrew snapped. Neil stood froze in the middle of it. Katelyn slowly stood and Kevin turned back to his breakfast. Katelyn went to the door and a fuming Aaron followed. He slammed the door shut behind him. 

Neil stared at Andrew who had gone back to gripping the sink tight. 

“Andrew…” Neil said softly.

“Just make breakfast, Neil,” Andrew said staring out the window. Neil set about finishing his food and making some for Andrew. He covered a bagel in extra jam for Andrew. 

Kevin went to his room when he was done with meal prep and Andrew and Neil were alone in the quiet kitchen. Neil took their food to the island and went as far as pouring orange juice for Andrew. No pulp. Neil had bought pulp and Andrew asked Neil why he thought he’d want to drink soggy bits of orange. He then poured the whole thing down the drain even though Neil said he’d just drink it.

Neil sat to eat and look at Andrew’s back. He ate quietly, waiting. He was half done eating when Andrew joined him and started to eat slowly.

“How’s the jam?” Neil asked. 

“I didn’t like using you like that,” Andrew said flatly. “But he said if he saw me touch you he’d leave.”

“Oh well, I said it was okay. And I’m glad they left,” Neil said. Andrew was still rigid in his seat. 

“I won’t do it again,” he said. 

“Can I touch your hand?” Neil asked. 

“Yes,” Andrew said and turned to look at Neil as he turned his hand palm up. Neil covered it, lacing their fingers together. 

“I know you won’t and I don’t mind that you did,” Neil said. “Really.”

“You’re a known liar, Neil,” Andrew challenged. Neil shook his head. 

“Not about this I’m not,” he said. “Can I kiss you?” Neil asked, half surprised Andrew didn’t tell him no. He kissed Andrew softly, moving their lips together until Andrew was sending out completely hostile vibes. When Neil pulled back Andrew’s shoulders had sagged and he looked rather deflated. 

“I’m going to lie down,” Andrew said. Neil nodded. 

“Do you want to go to practice?” 

“No,” Andrew said and shut himself in his room. Neil wasn’t surprised, but he knew he’d miss Andrew at practice. 

 

During workouts, Aaron said nothing. He appeared to be trying extremely hard to pretend Neil didn’t exist. He didn’t even look at Neil and didn’t help him either. It was a lot easier to work together that way, but Neil also felt slightly unnerved. 

Wymack wasn’t happy Andrew skipped out, but his absence caused Wymack to change up practice and he put them in groups by position. That meant working with Kevin again and Neil was thrilled. 

Until Kevin deemed Neil worse than before. He said practice with Aaron made him sloppy and finished his rant saying the only way to fix things was an extra two hour practice after regular practice.

Dan tried to talk Kevin down until Neil jumped all too eagerly at the idea of proper practice with Kevin.

 

Neil returned to Andrew’s condo completely drained. It was dark, but the bedroom light was on. Neil went straight to the fridge even though his legs threatened to buckle and his arms felt like lead. 

Jean had stayed to help, but as per Andrew’s agreement, he did his best to ignore Neil. There’d been a lot of arguing in French, which Neil understood, but he didn’t tell Kevin and Jean that.

“Why don’t you wear your contacts anymore?” Kevin asked while they ate. Neil shrugged.

“They’re really distracting on the court,” he said. Kevin looked suspicious, but Neil didn’t elaborate. They were a nightmare on the court. He knew that much from dealing with them in the stadium. But it was also nice to just be able to be himself and not looking over his shoulder, suspicious of everyone. 

His mother would beat him for falling into such comfort, but he didn’t really care what she’d think anymore. Her solution was to hit him even if he did something right. She taught him if someone loves you they will hit you. Andrew was showing him that if someone loved you they’d only touch you when you wanted them to.

Neil cleaned up and dragged himself to the bedroom. 

Andrew was awake reading in bed. He looked up at Neil and stared while Neil trudged to the bed and fell onto it face first. 

“Serves you right, junkie,” he said and Neil smiled into the comforter. He’d called Andrew earlier to tell him about the extra practice and all Andrew had said was, “Of course you fucking junkie,” and then hung up on Neil. 

“What are you reading?” Neil asked, turning his head to look at Andrew. 

“A book,” he said. Neil rolled his eyes. 

“Is it good?”

“I’ve read it before,” Andrew said without looking up from the page. Neil took that to assume it wasn’t as good the second time when you could remember the entire thing word for word.

“Have you read all the books on your bookshelf?” Neil asked. 

“Yeah,” Andrew said. Neil turned his head to look at the bookshelf. It was neat but packed full of books. Some were worn and some looked new, but Neil had never seen Andrew even go near the bookshelf. “Nicky gives me books for Christmas and my birthday. Everything he picks I’ve read.”

Neil thought it was nice Andrew still kept them though. 

“But don’t even think about getting me a present for anything. I hate holidays and I hate my birthday even more,” Andrew added. Neil snorted and turned back to Andrew.

“I hate birthdays too. But I still want to try to get you a book you haven’t read.”

“Okay,” Andrew said. “But you won’t.”

Neil smiled at the challenge and stood up. “Do you want food before I get ready for bed?” Neil asked. Andrew’s breakfast was still wrapped up on the counter and it was obvious that he hadn’t eaten during the day.

“No,” Andrew said. Neil nodded. 

“You’re sexy when you read,” Neil said with a grin. Andrew let out a long sigh and finally looked at him.

“Don’t make me throw you out of this room,” Andrew said. “Strike one.”

“It’s true,” Neil pushed. 

“Strike two,” Andrew growled. Neil grinned wider and went to the bathroom. 

“So hot!” Neil said, slamming the door shut when Andrew hurled his book at Neil. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some slightly detailed minor surgery things in this chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Neil tried his best not to be bitter. He’d said he’d go with Andrew when he had to go in to change his medication and sensor. Neil hadn’t anticipated it falling on a scrimmage day. The appointment wasn’t supposed to last long, but after the sensor was changed, Neil had to go in and update his work. 

Which also meant a trip down to the lower level. Neil hadn’t been able to fully rebuild his laptop, so he was borrowing Roland’s computer. Andrew didn’t like the idea at all, but there was no other way. 

Neil walked next to Andrew and Abby stood at his other side. Andrew looked completely shut down while Neil couldn’t stop fidgeting. There was a chance his work would be discovered, and written off as malfunctions, but giving Andrew an entirely new sensor meant longer work for Neil. 

They crowded into a tiny room with a nurse, a doctor, a judge, and a cop. All sensor work had to be done in front of a judge as sensors were court ordered. The pig was for if Andrew caused trouble. From the gleam in the judge’s eye, it looked like he was dying for someone to get pulsed. Neil swallowed bile. 

Andrew sat in the hospital chair and they locked him down. Neil sat on a stool and went over the procedure in his head. The judge read off the new court order and the doctor explained the procedure to Andrew, who clearly wasn’t listening. 

“When does he get to come off the drugs?” Neil asked, startled by his own voice. The judge gave him an odd look and shrugged. 

“Kid, psychos like this never get off the meds,” he said. “And if they try we gotta take them down.”

Neil felt like puking again. 

The room was silent after that. The doctor worked fast and then signed off on everything. 

Neil still felt sick as they headed back to the car. Abby had brought her own car, so she broke off with a short goodbye and then Andrew and Neil climbed into Andrew’s car. 

The GPS was set for the gates to take them down, down, down.

 

They didn’t talk on the ride to the lower level. Neil put his contacts in, blinking a few times to adjust them. He looked over at Andrew. All his vitals were normal.

“I’m fine, Neil,” Andrew said as they got out at the gate. Had the lower level always smelled? With the entire summer to heat up the rot and garbage, the gate was pretty rank. They’d left the climate controlled areas and now stood in the sticky heat.

Neil instantly started to sweat as they walked towards Roland’s. The streets were quiet, but eyes watched from the shadows. It put Neil on edge. 

Andrew probably read his mind because he handed Neil a cigarette already lit and smoking. Neil took it without a word. What once stood for his mother, now only provided him with thoughts of Andrew. 

 

Andrew punched in the code at Roland’s and Neil followed him up the stuffy staircase. Andrew didn’t even knock, so Neil could only roll his eyes when they walked in on naked Roland in the kitchen. 

“What time is it?” Roland asked making no move to cover himself. 

“Almost 4,” Neil said, shutting the door. Andrew was already in the living room.

“Shit,” Roland muttered. He stuffed food into his mouth and pointed into the living room. “Bathroom has the best light so I brought out my laptop,” he said between chewing. Neil nodded and went to find Andrew. 

Roland left all the supplies Neil had requested with his laptop on the coffee table. Neil picked everything up and followed Andrew to the bathroom. 

It was bright and gaudy. Neil always forgot how gaudy the bathroom was. 

He put everything on the counter and had Andrew sit on the toilet. It was far from the ideal situation, but it’d work. Neil washed and gloved his hands while Andrew pulled off his armband. Neil numbed the area. He was annoyed the incision had been manually stitched up. He hated doing manual stitches. 

“It’s going to be real sore tomorrow and probably the next day too,” Neil said as he carefully removed each stitch. There were only four but it was four too many. He then had to cut through the glue under and Andrew’s flesh was not happen. Blood bubbled up and dripped over the ridges in Andrew’s arm. Neil moved fast. He dug around in Andrew’s arm for a moment and finally found the release.

He dumped powder into the incision to slow the bleeding before disinfecting the sensor and stripping his gloves off. Rolands computer was nearly the same as Neil’s had been which was nice because Neil was able to work fast. 

The sensor was rigged and Neil was stitching Andrew up in under ten minutes. The wound looked angry, but it would still heal nicely. Neil used glue all the way and the stitches were for show. 

“You doing okay?” Neil asked. Andrew looked a little pale and he hadn’t put his armband back on. “Want me to get you a snack? I’m sure Roland has something sweet.”

Andrew nodded slowly. 

Neil went back to the kitchen. Roland was dressed and eating.

“Everything work out?” Roland asked. 

“Yeah,” Neil said opening the cabinets and looking through them. He found open chocolate chip cookies and hoped they’d help. 

He returned to the bathroom to find Andrew slumped forward, head between his knees and fingers digging into his kneecaps. There was vomit at his feet. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Neil said rushing to Andrew and crouching down in front of him. “Andrew? Andrew can you hear me?” Neil asked, hands hovering above Andrew. Andrew nodded slowly. “Are you in pain? Does anything hurt? Are you lightheaded?” Neil asked, but his contacts weren’t picking anything up. 

Andrew shook his head. “Stress,” he whispered. “Just stress,” he told Neil. neil let out a tense breath and rocked back on his heels. 

“I’m gonna clean up. Did any get on your clothes?” Neil asked. Andrew shook his head. Neil thought for a moment. “Do you want me to wash them anyway?” It took a moment, but Andrew nodded. “Okay, after I clean up you can shower, okay? I’ll ask Roland for clothes. And then I’ll wash these clothes.” 

Andrew nodded again and Neil got to work cleaning up the vomit and then asked Roland for clothes. He pointed Neil in the right direction and Neil got clean clothes for Andrew. 

“Stay here as long as you need to,” Roland said with a shrug. “Just lock up when you leave.” 

“Yeah, we will. Thanks,” 

“Yeah,” Roland said with a small laugh. Neil went back into the bathroom to ask Andrew if he needed anything else. 

“Sit and talk,” Andrew said locking the bathroom door and pulling off his shirt like it was burning him. 

“Oh okay,” Neil said sitting on the toilet. “What should I talk about?” Neil asked keeping his eyes on Andrew’s head. Andrew didn’t answer him. He just stepped into the shower and turned the water on. 

Neil went to his default; exy. He got three words out and Andrew barked threats from the shower. Neil smiled to himself and switched to his other default; places he’d been. He did his best to describe them in detail. He wondered what Andrew would remember about places. Probably more than Neil did. 

He talked about alleys and subways and parks. About cars and the way the lower level always seemed like the same place no matter where he went. 

The shower eventually stopped and Neil fell silent. Andrew stepped out of the shower, teeth chattering and a towel wrapped tightly around himself. He left the bathroom and went into a bedroom with his change of clothes like he owned the place. He shut and locked the door behind Neil. 

Neil sat on the bed which was covered in a tacky teal and maroon bedspread. If not for the quality, Neil would have felt like he was in a cheap motel. 

When Andrew was dressed Neil finally looked at him. Heat rushed up his face and burned his ears. 

“What are you wearing?” Neil squaked. Andrew just took out a cigarette and blew smoke in Neil’s face. He held his hand out to Neil and Neil placed his hand in Andrew’s palm. Andrew pressed Neil’s hand against his bare stomach. He held Neil’s hand there. 

“There was a mixup when Dan was ordering shirts a few years ago and they ended up being crop tops.”

Neil felt dizzy as all the blood decided to rush south at the feeling of Andrew’s hard taut stomach. He could feel the fucking definition in his abs. Neil was going to blow a fuse. Andrew’s skin was cool at first, but now it felt like Andrew was burning his hand.

Neil opened his mouth a few times, but didn’t know what to say. Andrew was standing in front of him in a neon orange crop top. Palmetto was scrawled across the front in white lettering, but Neil could barely process that. 

He had his HAND on Andrew’s BARE STOMACH. 

He sat there staring up at Andrew while Andrew smoked and held Neil’s hand against his stomach. He was looking past Neil, but it wasn’t his checked out stare. He was still there, on the surface. Neil realized he was probably overwhelmed. 

“We will go when your clothes are clean,” Neil said carefully. Andrew nodded, still not looking at Neil. “Andrew?”

Slowly, Andrew brought his eyes to Neil’s. It was… Neil was again at a loss for words. To see Andrew look at him with emotion… emotions… Neil loved it. He wanted to remember the moment forever. 

“You can kiss me if you want,” Neil said softly. He watched Andrew exhaled, eyes still swimming, and then he bent at the waist to press his lips feather soft to Neil’s. Neil was lost in the moment but he swore he heard the words  _ thank you  _ ghost across his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm gonna say in my defense is I saw some art and I loved it. lol.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. Just wanted to say finishing this fic is one of my 2019 goals. Unfortunately, I'm losing the ability to type and can only write about 500 words at a time and 1300 a day and I've had to try and change my writing habits because of this which I hate. I used to sit down and pound out a chapter no matter the length so basically chapters might be shorter unless I can force myself to spend multiple days writing a chapter. 
> 
> But anyway, thank you all for reading! This part is still in it's early days but things are only just beginning. Enjoy!
> 
> Oh and I like to call this chapter Andrew Is Bad At Hiding His Insecurity From Neil.

Opening day was an absolute disaster. Neil didn’t get to start. No one was a team player. Kevin tried to carry the game. The other team seemed to have a vendetta against Jean and Kevin pissed Andrew off to the point where he let in four goals and was pulled for the rest of the game. 

It was embarrassing. No matter how Wymack changed the line up it remained a mess. 

Neil was let it for the full second half and while he was fast, his shots were still weak. Kevin chewed him out after every missed goal. Neil barked back until Nicky dragged him away before he threw down with Kevin.

Leaving the court 10-2 was hard. Neil realized he’d never felt so degraded. The Foxes were coming off a season where they’d nearly made it to the final round of finals. They’d only added strength to their team, Neil aside, and they opened with a terrible loss against a team they’d gone 4 and 0 with last season.

Neil wanted to scream, but he didn’t know who he wanted to scream at first. 

He slammed his gear into his locker and then slammed the door before marching off to shower. He appreciated that the Foxes locker room had individual showers and not a giant communal one. He knew other stadiums did though. He forced the worries to the back of his mind in hopes that the hot water would soothe his angry state.

It didn’t. 

He slammed his locker door a few more times. 

They were to wait around for Wymack to chew them out after his lecture for Andrew fell on deaf ears. 

Neil hated the waiting around to hear how they played like shit. While it didn’t scare him, it reminded him of waiting for his mom to bitch at him. She’d give him a look and he knew once they were behind a closed door it was heavy words and an even heavier hand. 

He recognized it as feeling like a disappointment. The game wasn’t all his fault, but he was part of the team that let Wymack and themselves down.

Neil had spent the last few years not being a disappointment, even though the ghost of his mother said otherwise. He worked, he made money, he moved, he did everything right. 

And then he took a wild chance and he was annoyed that he was back to feeling like a damn disappointment. But at least it wasn’t to his mother. Her voice had left his head and ash smelled like Andrew.

Disappointing was still not a feeling he liked. 

He looked to Kevin who stomped into the locker room in full gear after talking to press. He pointed at Neil.

“Don’t fucking talk. We are using all our extra practice to fix that weak ass shot of yours!” he snapped before tearing off his pads. Neil grinned. Part of him still wanted to deck Kevin for being an ass on the court, but he wasn’t about to piss Kevin off enough to take practice together away.

“Yeah you were a major let down,” Aaron mumbled to Neil as he passed. Without thinking Neil went swinging at him but Matt caught. 

“Damn you did fucking good Neil,” he said with a grin. Neil looked dumbly at Matt. 

“What?”

“Well like with the team it’s one thing, but you got right up to their goal and took a shot multiple times. Yeah there’s room for improvement on all our parts, but you’ve got a handful of months under your belt and still performed excellently in a pro game.”

“Yeah I don’t know if any of use could have done that in our first pro game,” Nicky added. “I know I was too scared out of my mind and played like five minutes in my first game,” he laughed.

“Just you did good,” Matt laughed clapping Neil on the shoulder. Neil nodded. He didn’t say he felt like he played like utter shit, but tried to smile at their compliments. 

“Don’t inflate his head,” Andrew said flatly as he pushed past Nicky with his helmet. 

“Wymack done yelling at you?” Matt asked. Andrew ignored him and looked Neil over. 

“Why’d you do it?” Neil asked. 

“Because Kevin tried to tell me the game was worth more than you,” Andrew said, flicking golden eyes to Neil before moving on to his locker. Matt and Nicky sighed and Neil turned to watch Andrew. The others were all moving to the joint rec room area but Neil lagged behind waiting for Andrew who ignored him.

 

They slowly joined the rest of the team who sat uncomfortably in silence with Wymack at the front of the room. The only person besides Andrew who looked indifferent was Jean. He stood at the back of the room picking at his nails. He wore Fox orange, but didn’t look like a Fox.

Andrew sat on a couch next to Kevin and Neil sat on Andrew’s other side. 

Then the lecture started. Wymack was loud. There was a lot of pointing and hand gestures. He yelled until he was red in the face only to end with, “All that aside I see potential. We’ve had a lot of abrupt changes and honestly, this lecture was so that a select few of you would get your heads out of your asses,” he said calmly. “I don’t care about scores, but I do care about you and I don’t want my own team turning on each other. That isn’t what this is about. We are a team, so start acting like it. Expect extra laps at practice.”

With that he left. Dan stood up to offer some encouraging words and to point out the teams strengths. Neil was pretty sure Jean laughed because of the glare Kevin shot him, but after that they were all told to go home. 

No one seemed able to leave fast enough.

Neil got in the car with Andrew, Kevin, Aaron, and Nicky. Katelyn had waited for Aaron after the game and Neil saw the talking and her smiling. She left with her friends though. Not that Andrew would let her in his car anyway.

“What did Wymack tell you?” Kevin barked at Andrew. Neil watched Nicky roll his eyes in exasperation. 

“He told me not to test his patience by provoking you. He doesn’t want anyone to have an aneurysm,” Andrew said calmly. Kevin grumbled. “And Kevin,” Andrew said, pausing to make eye contact with Kevin. “Don’t ever try to tell me Exy is the most important thing ever again.” 

His words were flat and his face showed no expression, but everyone in the car could hear the blatant threat that laced his words. 

 

Katelyn was waiting at the condo building when they arrived. Neil hadn’t seen either twin talk to each other since Andrew kissed Neil and Aaron finally left their house. Aaron didn’t talk to Neil either. He rode in Andrew’s car, but that was as far as things went. Neil considered bringing it up with Andrew, but hadn’t figured out what to say to bridge the subject.

Their feud was weird. 

Andrew, Kevin, and Neil rode the elevator in silence that was only broken when Kevin said they should eat and he’d done plenty of prep earlier so the fridge was full. Then he went to his room and slammed the door. 

Neil pulled food out of the fridge and began preparing meals for him and Andrew expecting Andrew to disappear into his room, but to his surprise, Andrew sat at the island watching Neil.

“Was it everything you hoped it’d be?” Andrew asked sounding bored. Neil shrugged. 

“No,” he said and Andrew snorted. “But it will be,” Neil said confidently. Andrew rolled his eyes. 

“You sound like Kevin,” Andrew told him. 

“I know.” Neil said with a smile. Andrew rolled his eyes again and lit a cigarette. He blew the smoke out slowly. 

“You should go blow Kevin since you both get off on Exy,” Andrew said picking at the counter. It wasn’t the first time Andrew had said it, but Neil had a sneaking suspicion Andrew kept saying it to hear Neil only had interest in him. 

“Nah,” Neil said shutting the oven and going over to stand in Andrew’s space. “There’s only one dick I’m interested in,” he said lowly. Andrew snorted again and blew smoke in Neil’s face. 

“Your flattery is going to get you nowhere.”

“It’s already gotten me here,” Neil countered leaning closer. “Yes or no?” he whispered. 

“Yes,” Andrew breathed and Neil closed the space between their lips with a soft kiss. Andrew grabbed the back of Neil’s head, getting rougher and making things more heated. The adrenaline from the game sparked back to life in Neil and he kissed harder as his head felt light and all his blood seemed to zoom south.

The oven beeped and Andrew pulled away leaving Neil panting. 

“After we eat,” Andrew said. “If you want.”

“Yes,” Neil nearly groaned as he went to get their food. He wanted to dump it in his mouth and get on with it, but he sat next to Andrew and ate like a civilized human living in the upper ring. 

They ate without talking and Neil contained his surprise over the fact that Andrew ate almost all his dinner without comment or complaint. He didn’t even go to get ice cream after they cleaned up. He just lit up and went to the bedroom with Neil on his heels. 

“Gonna reward me for playing so well?” Neil asked with a cheeky grin. Andrew shut the lock and gave Neil a bored look. Andrew crossed the room to stand in front of Neil and looked him in the eye while he took a long drag. 

Neil expected a retort, but all Andrew said was, “I guess.” And dropped to his knees in front of Neil.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has lots of discussions of past abuse, past sexual abuse, and past r*pe. SOME GRAPHIC DISCUSSION S OF ABUSE AND R*PE. Andrew is telling Neil parts of his background. Also minor panic attack (which for Andrew manifest as washing) But proceed with caution!! I'll put a rough summary of the chapter below.
> 
> Feel free to skip the whole chapter but the part with Bee is marked with ***** as that's the most graphic part and since I assume everyone has read the actual book you can pretty much piece together what Bee tells Neil.
> 
> Thanks for reading and for all your lovely comments~

The first away game was in North Carolina and it was a hard fought win by a very narrow margin. The game was locked 3-3 for two periods. Neil was still unable to score despite the shots he took. Kevin spent a lot of the game yelling, but kept it at easily ignored yelling. 

Jean took a brutal check that put him out of the last period, but he was luckily fine. And Dan almost went down when someone went after Aaron who was in a mood. For once it was directed at the other team though. 

And then Kevin managed to squeak in the game winning goal to everyone's shock. Neil remembered freezing on the court when the buzzer went off and the goal lit up. He did it again 28 seconds later when the game ended in their favor. 

4-3. It was a simple set of numbers, but they’d bombed hard in their first three games and the season home opener was still haunting them all. 

It was nice to be reminded that they could be winners. That they  _ were _ winners. 

The other team wasn’t happy with the loss, but they kept things civil. The Foxes made it out and to the airport without a throwdown, even though Aaron seemed to be itching for one. 

“Do you know why?” Neil asked Andrew while they sat on the opposite side of the gate from the rest of the team. 

“No,” Andrew said. The twins still weren’t really talking. Nicky was doing his best to bridge the gap but Aaron was cranky and Andrew was difficult. 

“How old were you when Nicky became your guardian?” Neil asked. He hadn’t ever thought to ask even though everything he knew came from an online article. 

“I was let out of juvie early to him when I was 17. Aaron’s mother died a few months later. We all lived at Nicky’s parents house…” Andrew trailed off shifting in his seat and pulling his hands into his sleeves. “They let Nicky be my guardian because they didn’t believe I was a blood relation. I signed with the Foxes to leave but only if they took Nicky and Aaron too,” Andrew said.

“At 18?”

“At 18,” Andrew confirmed. 

“How long were you living at Nicky’s house?” Neil asked. Andrew looked at Neil with a far away look.

“His parents hate that he is gay, but they invited us over a few years ago and it was as bad as it always had been,” Andrew told Neil. 

“For Nicky?” Neil asked and Andrew gave him a confused look that sank Neil’s stomach. 

“What?” Andrew asked, the blank look returning. 

“Where’d the money come from?” Neil asked swallowing hard.

“I got half when mother dearest died. Couldn’t get rid of it fast enough.”

“Oh and now this pays for things?”

“That’s the purpose of a job Neil,” Andrew said slouching in his seat. He lit up, despite the no smoking policy, and took a long drag. Were he in the poor side of the airport, security would beat his ass, throw him out, and then probably beat him some more. 

But being on the rich side, and being on a prominent professional sports team, no one would bother him. The most that would happen would be someone taking a picture and bad mouthing him online. 

Neil let them slip back into silence and tried not to think about what could have, or what probably had, happened at Nicky’s parents house. 

He tried to focus on his sore muscles and the way airports smelled. They had optional practice tomorrow and the next three days off. Neil was going to the optional practice and then his two hour practice with Kevin. 

Andrew wouldn’t go to optional practice, but he’d show up to sit around while Kevin beat up Neil.

 

Nicky was at optional practice and Neil’s mouth had a mind of its own.

“What was it like at your parents house with the twins?” Neil asked. He'd waited for the locker room to clear out but mostly he was waiting for Kevin to leave so he wouldn't yell at Neil for being a slow ass. 

“Oh uh… not ideal. But Andrew was on house arrest until he turned 18 and I didn't own a house and it was only for like 8 months so I’d hoped it’d be okay. My parents were not happy. Me and a criminal? But the court and Andrew’s lawyer forced them into agreeing. He’d screwed up other times he was about to be released on good behavior so they didn’t want to risk it again. At least that’s what his lawyer said. Andrew said he didn’t really care if he stayed until he was 18.”

“Oh,” Neil said picking at the locker next to Nicky’s.

“Yeah the detention center did the DNA test after someone found Aaron and thought he was Andrew. I mean they are mirror twins. And yeah they reached out to my aunt. She said no but I heard Andrew threw a fit before that and they didn’t want it to turn violent like the other times. So, they reached out to my parents and me separately and I said I'd take him. And then my parents threw a fit and I threw the whole ‘what would God want and what would Jesus do?’ In their faces,” Nicky snorted. “I still can’t believe that actually worked. They pretty much confined Andrew to his bedroom and I pretty much had to be in the house at all times to watch him. He didn’t do much. Mostly just watched TV. Aaron would visit our house. Apparently he'd tried to visit Andrew in juvie but Andrew said fuck off,” Nicky laughed. “The one time my aunt did visit everyone got into a fight and she died so I took Aaron too,” Nicky sighed. He looked at Neil with sad eyes.

“Your parents didn't like you or them, right?” Neil asked. Nicky shrugged.

“Basically. They hated my life choices. They hated Aaron's drug use, but most of all they hated that Andrew existed.” He paused and shut his locker. “ My dad called all of Andrew's foster families for information on him. Some of them came to visit and I think that's what pushed him to Exy. He only said it once when he was drunk but I still think about it. He said no one could get to him in the Upper Ring.”

Neil broke out into a cold sweat. Andrew hadn’t spoken of any of them but Neil knew enough from what wasn’t said. 

“What happened a few years ago?”

Nicky looked down. He finished securing his pads before looking at Neil again. 

“One of his foster brothers was there to visit. They talked for a long time and then Andrew wanted to leave and said he'd never go back to that house. He was out sick for two weeks. Barely left his room.”

Nicky left Neil twisting his fists around his Exy stick. He finally threw it down and went to his locker for his phone. 

There were three contacts in Neil's phone since joining the team. Andrew. Kevin. And Womack but ”only for if Neil was in deep shit again.” 

He clicked on Andrew and hit call.

Surprisingly, he answered.

“What?” he barked, but his voice was heavy with sleep. Neil leaned against his locker and tugged at the hem of his shirt. 

“I just…” Neil swallowed thickly. He didn't know what he wanted to say. He didn't really know why he called. He just… “I wish you had come.” he said softly.

“Stop being annoying,” Andrew said and ended the call. 

Neil wanted to go home. He wanted to crawl in bed with Andrew and just be near him. He wanted to be locked away in their room where nothing could get them.

“Neil! What the fuck?!” Kevin called into the locker room. 

Neil sighed and went to get his stick and head to the court. 

 

It was mostly strikers at optional practice so the practice ran similar to Neil’s practice with Kevin. Although without the extensive Raven drills. 

As the Foxes cleared out, Neil started setting up for drills. His head had been all over the place during practice and he was waiting for Kevin to chew him out. He hadn’t done anything wrong during practice, but he knew Kevin could tell he wasn’t performing at his best. The glares said it all. 

Neil pulled his helmet back on and Kevin immediately threw a ball at the back of Neil’s head.

And then another. 

“What?!” Neil snapped. 

Kevin threw another ball. “Are you with the program now Neil?” he asked as Neil tried to avoid the onslaught of balls.

“What the fuck Kevin?!” Neil yelled as he finally threw a ball back. Kevin swatted it away easily. 

“Get your head out of your fucking ass!” 

“I’m fine! Stop throwing shit at me!” Neil yelled back.

“I’m not going to train someone who has their fucking head in their ass!” 

“I’m fine, Kevin! I will be FINE!” Neil roared at him. Kevin stopped throwing balls.

“Show me. First drill. Go until I tell you to fucking stop.”

Anger rolled off Neil in hot waves. He didn’t know what he wanted to do. Didn’t know if he wanted to scream or fight or break something or all the above. But he forced himself to turn and begin the drill. He had to or he’d actually lose it.

 

His mind went numb. Blank. It was all following directions and trying to do better, be better. 

Until he was exhausted and Kevin said they were done. He left Neil on the empty court, taking the ball bin with him. Neil stood at center court breathing hard and fast. He yanked his helmet off and stared up at the lights, the blank score board. 

“Kevin said you’re in a mood,” Andrew said from the doorway. Neil turned his head to look at him. Andrew was in black pants and a black sweatshirt. A cigarette between his lips and a ball in his hand. He looked up at Neil.

“I’m fine,” Neil said.

“Said the liar,” Andrew said tossing the ball to himself while looking at Neil. Neil looked away and sighed. He knew bringing it up at the court wasn’t the best idea, but he said it anyway.

“I asked Nicky about when you were released from juvie.”

“And what did Nicky’s fat mouth say?” Andrew asked through gritted teeth. Neil looked at him again. 

“Just that his parents hated him and they hated you. They hated that you were a criminal and that you existed and…” Neil paused. Andrew waited. Neil could see him squeezing the ball. Neil took a deep breath. “He said his dad called all your foster families for information and some of them came to visit. He said a few years ago someone visited too,” Neil said watching Andrew.

His hands were shaking as he turned and walked to the locker room. Neil followed a few paces behind. 

Neil set his stuff down, following Andrew towards the showers. He was already pulling off his clothes and stepping out of his pants.

“Andrew,” Neil said but he didn’t stop. He banged open a stall door. “Andrew!” Neil yelled over the roar of water. Andrew burst through the stall door again almost running into Neil.

“I need soap,” he said sounding oddly calm. “I need soap.”

“Andrew it’s okay,” Neil said.

“I need soap.”

When Neil had nothing to say, Andrew closed himself back in the stall. Neil leaned against the door not knowing what to do or how to calm Andrew down. He didn’t want to make Andrew just go through with having a panic attack and showering until it was over.

He pressed his forehead against the door. “Andrew,” he said again. “It’s just us. We are the only ones here and the other can never get you… they can’t touch you anymore. All of them are gone.”

The shower kept going. 

“I know asking Nicky was stupid, but I wanted to know more and I didn’t want to make you say it because I was trying to avoid this… but I guess I knew I couldn’t really,” he said quietly. “But I want to help you so that you don’t have to deal with this alone,” he said louder and the shower shut off. 

Neil stood up, slightly shocked and the stall door opened. Andrew stood in front of Neil wrapped in a towel, wet hair, water sliding over his red skin, and he turned his eyes to Neil. Andrew looked out of breath but spoke evenly. 

“You talking and you being here...help,” he said. Relief swept through Neil like a damn had broke. “I want you clothes.”

“Okay,” Neil said. “I’ll shower at home and do the laundry there.” Andrew nodded and shut the stall door. Neil brought Andrew the clothes he arrived in and then put his pads and gear away before putting Andrew’s clothes in a bag. 

He felt disgusting, but he’d survive a car ride.

 

The rest of the day they spent on the couch watching episode after episode of Andrew’s favorite trivia shows.

“Do you know all the answers?”

“They’re reruns,” Andrew said which Neil understood as a humble yes. “I want you to talk to someone.”

“What?”

“My therapist,” Andrew said and Neil paused the TV and turned to Andrew.

“What?” he repeated shocked. Andrew looked bored. 

“It was part of my court order. The second one,” Andrew said like Neil was stupid. 

“But when do you go?” Neil asked utterly confused. Andrew cocked his head.

“We video chat Neil,” Andrew said and Neil stared at him. Andrew stared back. “There are things I can’t say, but I want her to tell you. So that you know and Nicky doesn’t have to tell you the wrong information.”

“Who does know this?”

“Just me and I’ve told most of it to Bee. And I don’t know when I’d be able to tell you,” Andrew’s words hung heavy in the air.

“You can wait. I can wait,” Neil said, but Andrew shook his head once.

“I want it done,” Andrew said.

“Okay,” Neil told him already bracing for what he was going to hear.

 

=====================================

*****

 

It took about a week and two wins on either side of a hard shutout loss, for Andrew to be ready. Neil hadn’t brought it up and Andrew didn’t either until it was the day Neil would meet Bee. 

He was surprised Andrew didn’t want to take more time or even forget the thing all together. Neil wanted to know everything about Andrew, but he didn’t want to cause distress at the same time. Especially because he knew what was going to be discussed and even Neil didn’t know if he was ready to stomach it. 

But they sat on the floor of Andrew’s bedroom with the door shut and locked and Andrew’s laptop in front of them. The screen was set up and they were waiting for the call.

Neil chewed on his nails and Andrew leaned against the bed smoking cigarette after cigarette while looking far away.

“Hello Andrew,” an older woman said when they connected. She had a soft smile and wore a professional business suit. Her backdrop was a soft blue that gave her a softer appearance. 

Andrew said nothing, but she turned her eyes to Neil. 

“Hello Neil, I’m Betsy and I work with Andrew. He wants me to share some things with you. All of it has been rehearsed with him as this is a very difficult subject for him,” she said to Neil.

“I know I… if he wants to share then I’m going to listen,” Neil said and held his hand out to Andrew where Betsy couldn’t see it. Andrew didn’t look at him or his hand, but Neil kept it within Andrew’s reach.

Betsy nodded. “We aren’t going to start at the beginning, but know that everything I’m sharing had happened before. Except for one person,” Betsy said and Andrew pulled his hood up. “The house Andrew was put in at 14 was run by a mother and she was the first person Andrew grew attached to. She was warm and inviting and helped him with school work, cooked him meals. They went to museums and to plays and libraries. Her older son was away at a military academy and her husband was currently serving overseas.” 

Neil already didn’t like the story. 

“Her son started coming around more as he’d taken a liking to Andrew,” Betsy continued. “And he started to sexually assault Andrew leading to constant rape. Andrew endured it to hold onto the first person who felt like a mother.”

Neil felt sick. He wanted to tell her he’d heard enough.

“During Andrew’s sophomore year of high school he started failing chemistry when the teacher told Andrew to blow him. He was a friend of Andrew’s foster brother. Foster father returned and did not like the grades. For each failed assignment, he’d take Andrew into his study and make him take off his pants and bend over the desk. He’d beat Andrew’s bare butt with his belt until it was bruised and bleeding.”

Betsy paused and Neil wanted to beg Andrew to make it all stop. His own hand was shaking and he wanted Andrew to take it so he knew Andrew was okay. But Andrew hadn’t moved.

“Andrew finally snapped and hit a kid with a chair in school and he was sent to juvie. It was supposed to only be for a few months, but when the time to be released to the foster mother came, Andrew broke another kids nose to earn more time. Being smaller, other kids in juvie did assault him and did try to rape him, but there was status in Exy. And the better you were at Exy the more kids respected you so Andrew played and they stopped trying to touch him.”

Neil almost laughed at the absurdity of prison being better than a home.

“Andrew was going to be released to the foster system, but his foster brother petitioned to have Andrew released to him. Instead Andrew broke someones arm and got another year of juvenile detention. In that time, someone found Aaron and there were DNA tests done. Andrew didn’t want his foster brother to sniff out Aaron and when his lawyer brought up releasing Andrew to his birth mother he threaten to kill someone thus the house arrest assuming they could find someone to take him. 

At this point his file was filled with things like insane, violent, deranged, brain damage, psychotic. Nicky’s father yelled at him a lot, so Andrew withdrew until he started calling around to old foster parents. So of them came to visit. All the ones who did had been ones to abuse him, sexually or otherwise. But the one he cared about never showed.

After those visits, Andrew signed with the Foxes. Wymack had reached out to him when he was still in juvie but Andrew dismissed it. But at that point, he wanted to be far from everyones reach. He wanted to go where they couldn’t touch him.”

“Your foster brother didn’t want to talk when he visited, did he?” Neil asked in a soft voice.

“No,” Betsy said sounding calm but all her words had an air of sadness. But maybe that just came with the subject. “Nicky’s parents invited them over three years ago. Andrew had recently gotten the sensor and medication and he had felt indifferent over the entire thing. But his foster brother was there and yes, he raped Andrew again. And then they left and Andrew got in contact with every dog he knew and found people to keep tabs on all the people he felt deserved to be watched. Since then two have been arrested and one is dead. He gets alerts when his foster brother is around. He usually goes to one game a season, but the dogs help Andrew elude him.”

“And that’s all she wrote,” Andrew said startling Neil. He looked at Andrew, but Andrew was looking at the screen. “That’s enough Bee. If I hear anymore I’ll lose my lunch.”

Neil knew he hadn’t eaten all day, but Betsy let them go and Andrew shut his laptop with a sharp click.

Then they sat in silence. Andrew smoked and handed one to Neil. He just held it. 

“So that’s that,” Andrew said pulling his knees up.

“Andrew-”

“I really don’t want to talk about it Neil,” Andrew said finally looking at him. “But I’ll let you. Just this once.”

“They can’t get you anymore. No one can and if someone tries I’ll stand in their way.”

“Cause you’re an idiot.”

“I mean it,” Neil said and Andrew blew smoke into his face. 

“I know,” Andrew finally said. He watched the ash fall from Neil’s cigarette. “Yes or no?” 

“Yes,” Neil told him and Andrew reached out, pulling Neil’s face to his and Neil’s lips to his lips. He kissed more desperately than Neil expected, but that was okay with Neil. “Did sharing that scare you?” Neil asked against Andrew’s lips.

“No.”

Neil tried again. “Were you worried it’d scare me?”

Andrew kissed him and Neil had his answer. 

“Nothing about you scares me,” Neil told him and Andrew snorted. “I’m an idiot remember?”

“Yeah,” Andrew said and shut Neil up with another kiss. They kissed for awhile; Neil letting Andrew lick into his mouth and bite his lower lip while he tried not to groan too loudly. 

When they broke apart they were panting and Neil could actually see that Andrew was hard. “Shower if you need to and I’ll go make food you like.”

“Not hungry,” Andrew said standing. Neil adjusted his own hard-on. 

“I’ll make it anyway and if you don’t eat it then I will.”

Andrew looked at him with narrowed eyes. Neil smiled. He wanted to be sick. He wanted to scream. He wanted to put a bullet through everyone that had touched Andrew. 

But it was just him and Andrew in their safe room. It was only them and their blankets and clothes and Andrew’s books and Neil’s Exy magazines that Andrew hated looking at. 

It was Neil’s lips on Andrew’s and Andrew wanted them there. Neil had permission to be in Andrew’s space and Andrew kept wanting him to be there. He wanted him there enough to share things he wasn’t ready to say himself. 

And Neil wanted to take everything Andrew had to give, so he smiled and Andrew scowled.

“Stop being an idiot,” Andrew said before slamming the bathroom door. Neil let out a small laugh before getting up to make grilled cheese. He was fully prepared to stand between Andrew and his past. He knew there were bad, sick, disgusting things littering Andrew’s past, but they were in his own too and he was moving on and he was doing it with Andrew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicky tells Neil that he and Andrew had to live with his parents for a few months and in that time Nicky's father contacted all Andrew's foster families for information on Andrew and some of them (all abusers) came to visit him. The feeling of being unsafe and vulnerable pushed Andrew to sign with the Foxes who took Aaron and Nicky too.  
> Neil tells Andrew what Nicky told him and Andrew freaks out in the shower, but decides to have his therapist Bee tell Neil the whole story since he can't say those words to Neil yet.  
> Bee tells Neil what Andrew's foster brother did to him and that he keeps trying to get to Andrew.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short little bridge chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SEX.

Neil sat in bed a few days later with Andrew. He was reading over Kevin’s notes and Andrew read an old book with actual paper pages that were torn and smelled moldy. He held the book close to his face and ignored Neil.

“What do you want in return?” Neil finally asked. He’d been unsure of how to broach the subject without bringing everything that happened with Betsy up.

Andrew looked at Neil over the top of his book. “What?”

“Well just you told me something and I want to know what you’d like to know in return,” Neil said closing the playbook.

Andrew stared at him before he speaking. “I would have told you what I wanted before I told you.”

“But you didn’t,” Neil said, confused. 

“It didn’t have a price,” Andrew said putting his nose back in his book. 

“What? Neil asked, even more confused. 

“I told you without wanting something in return,” Andrew said into his book. Neil continued to give him a confused look.

“Why?” Neil asked but Andrew only grunted. Neil thought about it but couldn’t understand why Andrew would trust him with information and not ask for anything in return. “I’ll give you something if you want,” Neil said and Andrew sighed. 

“I don’t want it Neil. I told you all of that because I wanted to without needing anything in return,” Andrew said and then leaned into Neil’s space. “I want to have sex with you,” Andrew said. 

“What?!” Neil asked, pretty sure his voice was a squeak. 

“Not now. I don’t know when but I want to and I thought you should know,” Andrew said. Neil stared at him, eyes big and mouth open in shock.

“Andrew I-” Neil didn’t know what to say. He’d never had sex, but was pretty sure Andrew knew that. 

“I trust you Neil,” Andrew said. Neil nodded slowly. Their trust was built on trades though. Andrew leaned closer. “That’s why I told you without asking for something in return. I trusted that you wouldn’t be a dick about it,” Andrew said spelling it out for Neil. Neil still stared at him with big eyes and a heap of confusion. 

“No one trusts me that much,” he said quietly and Andrew shrugged.

“I do.”

Neil gave him another confused look. Andrew gave him a bored look and settled back with his book. He picked it up and stuck his nose in it while Neil tried to process what Andrew had said. 

Sure people had trusted Neil enough to cut them open and help them break the law, but even that was built on two way trust. They wouldn’t tell and Neil wouldn’t tell. It was all mutual.

His mother sure hadn’t trusted him. His father didn’t like that he existed. There was no trust to be had there. 

Trust. 

“Do you need glasses?” Neil asked Andrew. Andrew scowled at him.

“I have glasses,” Andrew said and went back to reading. Fuzzy images of Andrew swam in Neil’s mind from when he got hit with the pulse gun and he smiled.

“Why don’t you wear them then?” 

“Because they are ugly,” Andrew said, surprising Neil. He didn’t know Andrew cared about anything appearance wise. Although he did pick out almost all of Neil’s clothes. But he didn’t ever think Andrew cared much about his own appearance. 

“I liked how they looked,” Neil told Andrew. He didn’t look over at Neil, but Neil could see him frowning into his book. 

“Cause you’re an idiot.”

“Well then why don’t you wear contacts?”

“I only wear them during games and practice because they make my eyes dry,” Andrew said. Neil had never noticed him taking out contacts or putting them in. 

“What about getting them corrected?” Neil asked and Andrew looked at him like he was stupid. “Sorry,” Neil said realizing how dumb of a question it was. 

They lapsed back into silence and Neil tried to go back to going over Kevin’s notes. His mind kept jumping from trust to sex and back to trust and then to how Neil didn’t realize Andrew wore contacts. Andrew seemed to take note of everytime Neil breathed and he had trouble remembering what he ate for breakfast and he knew it had nothing to do with Andrew’s memory.

“Do you really want to have sex with me?” Neil asked putting down his notes.

“Yes Neil,” Andrew said flatly.

They went back to silence. 

Neil flipped the notes closed and put them on the bedside table before laying down. To be trusted with something so big as Andrew’s private childhood made him happy. What he’d been told was horrifying but it was information given to Neil to hold. 

The first of possibly many things Neil could freely be trusted with.

He smiled. 

“Why are you smiling?” Andrew asked leaning over him. 

“Kiss me goodnight?” Neil asked. Andrew stared at him for a moment before leaning down to press his lips against Neil’s. 

“Now stop smiling and go to sleep,” Andrew murmured against Neil’s lips. Neil smiled again but told Andrew okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrew was reading the Giver.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like writing such a short chapter but it's taken forever just to write this. Hope you enjoy!

 

Neil realized he was a very out of sight out of mind type of person when an interview with Riko Moriyama was released and basically shit all over the Foxes in very poetic phrases and Neil realized he’d literally forgotten Riko was a threat. 

Andrew just rolled his eyes.

Riko was all feigned politeness as he jabbed at the Foxes throughout the interview. The Ravens were already number one in the league and the Foxes were well behind. They’d meet on the Raven’s court in a week at the tail end of a four game road trip for the Foxes. Riko said the Raven’s might take pity on them and stop when they scored 20 points on their former teammates. 

Neil wanted to punch Riko in the face just for the audacity. Andrew would never let in 20 points unless he was dead. If he was trying to piss Kevin off Wymack would pull him. Riko could boast and jest, but Andrew’s numbers alone proved Riko wrong. 

The interviewer brought that up to which Riko laughed and said every day Andrew wasn’t jailed for life was a miracle so they’d have to wait and see if Andrew was on the court.

Neil balled his hands into fists and Wymack shut the projection off. He was silent for a moment before sighing and telling everyone to suit up. They’d discuss the interview after practice. 

 

Neil practiced with everything he had. He could score on Renee sometimes, but not on Andrew. He felt like he was a weak link though and he was going to blow everything for the Foxes. 

He almost wanted to tell Wymack not to use him in the Raven game, but the insult to Riko by him being on the court was too much for Neil to pass up. Riko would say it was because the Foxes were stupid and a bad team, but Neil planned to rub it in that the Foxes felt they only needed the worst of the worst to take Riko down. 

“Why are you smiling?” Andrew asked during a break. 

“I just can’t wait to shit on Riko,” Neil said simply, passing Andrew the water bottle. Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Andrew said.

“No promises,” Neil said pulling his helmet back on. Andrew just gave him a look and headed back to the goal, but Neil heard him mutter, “Thank god cause you’d just break them.”

 

 

 

When they returned to Andrew’s condo, there was someone lurking in the shadows. Neil braced for a fight, but while Andrew had bristled, he wasn’t preparing for a threat. He waved Kevin inside and waited. 

They stepped out of the shadows looking vaguely familiar in a tight grey business suit and hair swept into a professional looking bun. She smoked a cigarette that tickled Neil’s senses and made him want to sneeze. 

“What do you want dog?” Andrew asked bluntly. He crossed his arms and the lady rolled her eyes. She took a manila envelope from a tan briefcase. 

“Marco had to call in a favor when he got tied up in a job. Pinged the area to see if anyone could get the notes to you,” she grinned. “Told him he was lucky I knew the snake.”

Neil’s eyes went wide. “Marseille?” he asked and she grinned at him. Andrew just seemed to roll his eyes as he snatched away the envelope. 

“Don’t make this a regular thing, dog,” he said. She took another long drag and exhaled just as slow. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it snake,” she said walking past them. She paused at the stairs. “And be careful. He looks like a sheep, but remember he’s a big bad wolf,” she said. Andrew flipped her off and she laughed as she disappeared to the stairs.

Andrew huffed and stalked into the apartment with Neil at his heels.

“Why was she here? What is that? Who is Marco?” Neil asked in a rush once they were in Andrew’s room. 

“A file. Marco is a dog I met in California before juvie. He visited me there to pass along information even when I told him to fuck off. Looked into Aaron’s mother too,” Andrew said opening the envelope and looking at it with a frown. 

“Oh… and what’s that?” Neil asked as Andrew crumpled the paper and lit it with his lighter. 

“He’s always gone to the same California game,” Andrew said. “And I just wouldn’t go but it looks like he’s changed his fucking mind,” Andrew said bitterly while Neil thought about the conversation with Betsy. 

“What game is he going to?” Neil asked, but had a sinking feeling. 

“Against the Raven’s,” Andrew said putting a cigarette between his lips. He offered on to Neil. 

“Fuck,” Neil muttered and lit his cigarette off Andrew’s.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile, but here's the first showdown with the Ravens! Enjoy!

Being in the Nest took Neil’s nerves from 0-60 instantly. None of the Foxes seemed to like being caged underground. Not to mention they were in enemy territory and the enemy not only wanted to win but would enjoy brutally murdering a few, if not all, of them. 

Jean had a very uncharacteristic nervous breakdown in the airport as they were about to fly across country. Wymack put him and Abby on a flight back to Palmetto, telling the others they were welcome to go with.

No one did.

Now they were all suited up for go time. Andrew had let Neil tell him once that he didn’t have to go on the court. 

Andrew said some things were more important to him then past horrors. 

But he’d been sitting in the corner smoking and staring at the wall for well over fifteen minutes. 

Neil wasn’t going to push it though. He was barely holding himself together. Part of him was itching to punch Riko in his smug bastard face and the other half of him was reliving the pain and nightmare Riko had inflicted barely six months ago.

Where Riko had carved his name hurt the most. It burned as if it were going to rip through his jersey. Show the world that Riko had tried to claim him.

“Alright, it’s time to do this,” Dan said as the timer by the TV hit zero. “We’ve won the last two games and we can do it again. We’ve been over how the Ravens are going to try to intimidate us and how they will go for all our weaknesses. We’ve been over it all and all I have to say is we can win. Our stats are climbing and I know we have the strength.”

“Let’s go,” Wymack said opening one of the doors to the stadium. He’d given them multiple talks throughout the day until he was out of words. “It’s just another game for us to win and we can do it,” he said and turned expecting them to follow. 

They did in a single file line. Kevin was in front of Neil and he reeked of vomit. Andrew was at Neil’s back smelling like smoke. 

 

The stadium was alive in a way that reminded Neil more of the crowd at a fight then a stadium for a sports game. Not that the two proved to be much different. 

But this crowd was out for Fox blood. 

Security kept them back but Neil knew better than to trust them even without Andrew and Wymack’s warnings. People had been shot at Raven games before. No one died but there was no way the Ravens hadn’t bought the security and the police.

For an “accident” to happen to the Foxes was not unlikely in enemy territory. 

Neil stood with the starters watching Andrew speak to Aaron before pulling on his helmet and standing with Neil. 

“I keep telling myself if I’m going to vomit I’m going to save it for a Raven,” Neil said to Andrew. 

“Don’t start fights you can’t finish,” Andrew said.

“No promises,” Neil said watching Andrew roll his eyes. 

“If you want to leave, tell me and we will,” Andrew said. Neil nodded. 

“The same goes for you,” Neil said and Andrew snorted. But Neil had seen him vomiting early and he was pale and sweaty. His cigarettes were almost gone and his hands had a slight shake to them. 

But otherwise his outward appearance and blank look held firm. 

Neil kind of hated it. Hated that Andrew put Neil above himself when Neil didn’t want Andrew hurting himself to keep his dumb ass alive. 

They took the court and their positions. The Ravens were already taunting them, but Neil was only listening to the clock and watching Riko’s ravenous grin. He was ready to devour Kevin. He didn’t even glance Neil’s way. Not with his favorite plaything right in front of him.

Neil wanted the buzzer to sound so he could plow directly into the asshats legs. 

He didn’t though. The buzzer went off, the game started, and the Ravens pushed forward; Riko darting away from Kevin and towards the goals while the backliners tried to pile drive into Kevin and Neil. 

They dodged and Neil went to Kevin. “He doesn’t think we are even worth his time!” Neil spit, sprinting towards Riko and the ball before Kevin could answer.

It was game on.

 

At the end of the first quarter Neil was limping off with the rest of the Foxes. No one was seriously injured yet, but there were multiple injuries. People were icing and spitting blood all over the floor by the bench. 

Neil was pretty sure his ribs were close to cracking. They were definitely bruised to shit and the last hit he took had him spitting blood, but the score was 0-0 and Neil had tackled Riko twice. 

“I’m not scraping you off the court,” Andrew said passing Neil a water bottle. Andrew was the only one who didn’t look like he’d been run over by a truck. He looked like shit, but the goal mostly protected him.

Neil downed several mouthfuls of water and wheezed out a slow breath. 

“They aren’t even carding them.”

“Did you think they would?” Andrew asked. Neil shook his head. 

“I knew it’d be a fight to the death but it doesn’t mean it’s not still shit,” Neil muttered. Andrew snorted and pulled his helmet back on. 

“Three to go,” he said and got up. Neil wasn’t going back out until halfway into the second. He finished off the water bottle, looking to Kevin flexing his bad hand. 

“Twice in the regular season and once in the final,” Kevin said standing and pulling his helmet on. “They don’t have a weakness except for watching their enemy not back down. Riko hates a loser playing a hero or a martyr. He hates defiance in the face of defeat,” Kevin said and walked away. 

Neil wiped his mouth on the bottom of his jersey and leaned back with a wince. He hated that the bench meant adrenaline would wear off but Wymack said no one was dying that night especially not Neil who had to sit. 

Neil tracked the game. For all his had work, the Ravens had years on him. Even the Foxes had years on him. His speed kept his head above water but there was no way he’d score in the game. He couldn’t score on Andrew yet. His option was to get the ball to Kevin. Get the ball to Kevin or protect Kevin when he had the ball. 

He knew that meant taking more and possibly harder hits in the rest of the game. Especially when the Ravens started getting desperate. 

Like they currently were.

 

Neil stood, helmet on, when Wymack called him up. “Seriously, be fucking careful,” Wymack said and Neil nodded. 

He’d be as careful as he could be. 

 

Back in the fray, time ceased to exist and it was just yelled commands and freight train bodies. Sweat was in his eyes, blood in his mouth as his muscles ached and his lungs screamed as he ran and ran and ran. 

He blocked and passed to Kevin and then ran interference. It was becoming clear that Riko’s attention was shifting to him which meant Neil was finally annoying him.

Right before the half Riko slammed Neil to the ground. Neil’s helmet cracked against the floor and he saw stars as the buzzer went off. Dan was pulling him to his feet as Andrew rushed forward.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” Neil said trying to remember how to breathe. 

“That was definitely a fucking red card,” Dan snarled towards the exiting Ravens. 

“Let’s just go,” Nicky said nodding towards the door. 

They limped off and joined the rest of the team heading to the locker room. “I’m checking you for a concussion,” Wymack said as Neil brought up the rear into the locker room. 

“Okay,” he said with a sigh. He didn’t feel concussed and didn’t want to be taken out of the game, but he didn’t have it in him to try to argue that he needed to be on the court. 

 

Neil didn’t have a concussion. He had a slight headache, but he could still play. 

Wymack gave a short uplifting speech and then let them all nurse their wounds. It was still 0-0 so the Ravens were sweating and they all knew the second half would definitely ramp up. 

Going back out felt like a march to death row even though it wasn’t quite over. 

All the travel had thrown Neil’s internal clock off. He slept when he was tired, he ate when he was hungry, and he played Exy in all the inbetween. Exy was his drug of choice and he knew it by the way he felt himself come to life as he reentered the stadium. 

Picking up his stick, the exhaustion was gone and he was ready to go. He was ready for this to be done. It was go time. 

 

The Ravens scored in the third quarter. Neil felt nauseous seeing the red lights illuminate Andrew in his lone orange jersey. The Raven smirked at the Foxes and Neil tried to remember the Ravens had taken 42 shots to their 14 shots on the Raven goal. 42 was a lot for Andrew to stop. He wasn’t god. 

“We can’t let it happen again,” Kevin said to Neil even though it wasn’t their job to protect the goal. All they could do was occupy the ball and move it away from their own goal. 

Neil gave a short nod and retook his position as the game restarted. 

Two full out, sticks down, gloves off, helmet knocking brawls happened before the quarter ended. First with Matt and then with Aaron. Neil ran in blindly to both, but with Aaron, Neil ran at Andrew before he did something worse than giving the guy a black eye. Neil knew Andrew was armed even on the court. 

 

And then it was time for a final showdown.

The first hit of the final quarter finally broke some of Neil’s aching ribs. He went to his knees, gasping as pain laced his chest, but was yanked up by Allison before he was kneed in the head. 

“Are you good?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” he wheezed. She gave him a skeptical look, but ran off leaving him to run for Kevin, pain be damned. 

“I know now I should have broken your fingers or maybe your knees. Or maybe I really should learn to not relish in the pain and suffering so that I knew how to get on with it and I would have slit your throat and filmed you bleed out and sent it to that whore you’re so attached to.”

Neil stopped, trying to take a deep breath and failing. The game rushed around him, but he didn’t move. “I was wondering when we were going to do this,” he said to Riko. “Your timing sucks.”

“I invited a special guest tonight,” Riko continued. Neil held firm. “He’s very excited to see your little whore.”

“Too bad he won’t,” Neil said trying so hard to keep his anger in check as he tracked Kevin across the court. 

“I think he will, Neil. I know how much he loved his brother,” Riko said and before Neil could bite Riko’s head off, the Raven goal lit up. Kevin had scored.

Neil whirled to see the anger cloud Riko’s face. 

“By the way,” Neil said casually. “You did break my fingers and my knees. Guess that shows you how much better at Exy I am than you.”

He would have laughed too if another Raven hadn’t grabbed him by the facemask, thrown him to the ground, and kicked him had enough to break more ribs.

The Raven got a red card, and Neil stayed down while Riko stepped over him. He knew it was probably good he was still alive, but Neil hated being out. 

Matt helped him off the court, but Neil sat firmly on the bench until the 2-1 end and their loss. 

It hurt more than his broken ribs.

 

Reporters were all over the Foxes and Wymack put the girls on press, practically ordering Kevin, Neil, and Andrew into the locker room. 

“I can’t get anything off,” Neil murmured to Andrew. He’d taken painkillers but the pain was still there but now with the pressing need to sleep.

“Do you want me to take it off so you can shower?” Andrew asked.

“Yes,” Neil said turning towards the showers. He wasn’t even concerned that they were communal, he just went to the furthest corner. 

“Don’t talk about Exy or anything,” Andrew said taking Neil’s helmet and starting with his padding not under his jersey.

“Mmm.”

Getting his jersey off was not fun. Andrew was careful and as gentle as he could be, but Neil’s pain was winning. Andrew undid his chest armor and peeled his sweaty undershirt off to reveal purple bruising from hip to armpit on his left side and nearly black bruising on his right where his ribs were broken.

“Neil,” Andrew said.

“It hurts,” Neil whined. He held his arms away from his sides. The pain wasn’t going away and he was hot and sweaty and just wanted to fucking sleep and forget all the current misery. 

“Your shorts?” Andrew asked bringing Neil’s reeling mind back to the present. He nodded. 

“Yeah but stay here?” he asked softly and Andrew nodded. Neil hurt in too many ways to put into words and decided he’d rather drown it all out with Andrew. 

Andrew held Neill gently under the spray even though he was still fully dressed. Neil moaned in his hold even though he was careful of his broken ribs. Neil finally rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder, all the energy finally leaving him. 

They’d lost.

After everything they’d still lost.

Kevin brought a towel and Neil’s clothes over without asking and Andrew nodded to him. 

“I want morphine,” Neil said miserably as Andrew dried and redressed him. 

“Go wait for me,” Andrew said. 

“I wanted to hit him,” Neil continued. 

“I know,” Andrew said and Neil sighed. He headed out of the showers to wait on the benches in the locker room. Neil shut his eyes and listened to everyone begin to gather their things while a lone shower ran in the background. He distantly thought about how Andrew’s stuff was wet, but pain clawed it’s way back into his brain.

 

He figured he had dozed off since when he opened his eyes Andrew was sitting next to him scrolling through his phone. He didn’t look as pale or shaken as before the game which made relief rush through Neil. 

“Are you okay?” Neil asked. Andrew looked at him for a moment and then turned back to his phone. 

“I called in another favor. I didn’t ask for details but they said he’s gone now. It’s safe to leave,” Andrew said and looked back at Neil. “I didn’t want to deal with it when you’re looking like absolute shit.”

Neil snorted and then groaned when it pulled at his ribs. He groaned loudly and clutched his aching sides gingerly. 

“Security won’t let you through with morphine, but Wymack said you could have it on the plane,” Andrew said pocketing his phone. Neil nodded. He squeezed his eyes tight and took a calming breath. 

“I was worried… all through the game. I kept it at the back of my mind but when it got closer to the end I was so worried,” Neil whispered. 

“I know. Because you’re stupid like that,” he said and Neil smiled. “Stop smiling. I called in that favor because I knew I had to take care of your stupid ass,” Andrew said but his words had no bite. Instead they were laced with something that sounded like relief which was strange coming from Andrew, but Neil liked it. So he kept smiling. 

Until he remembered what Riko said. 

“Riko said he invited him,” Neil said, anger burning hot through him. 

“I’m not surprised,” Andrew said lowly. Neil looked at him. There was no expression there, but Neil tried his hardest to radiate comfort. 

“He’ll show up again. Riko will make sure of it.”

“I figured that too. I’m going to keep track of it.”

“Just… let me know,” Neil said. “If I know he’s around I’ll…” Neil trailed off. It wasn’t that he’d worry less, he’d just know where to redirect the worry. 

Andrew nodded anyway. 

“As long as you won’t do anything stupid regarding him. I don’t want anyone anywhere near him, least of all you,” Andrew said. Neil nodded. 

“No promises,” he said. “But I won’t go looking for him.”

“Okay. That’s all I ask,” Andrew said quietly. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked this chapter and I hope you all do too!! Thanks for all the love and comments!

Returning to Palmetto, Abby gave Neil the good stuff. 

A rather large, high quality medpatch was taped to his side where he’d broken three ribs. There was strictly no Exy or any strenuous activity for 3 days and then he’d be reevaluated. Missing a home game was going to drive him out of his mind, but Wymack threatened that if Neil even breathed on the stadium he’d bench him for longer.

The meds brought a new sensation. It wasn’t pain but it wasn’t pleasant and it made him sleepy. Even when he wasn’t tired his body begged to sleep.

His eyes never wanted to be open.

But he pushed himself because Andrew wasn’t doing well. 

Neil had been doped on morphine when they landed and they went straight to the stadium to get the medpatch from Abby. He felt good, floaty, when they got to the condo. But Andrew locked himself in the bathroom for three hours. 

Neil felt guilty for falling asleep, but when he woke up and Andrew still wasn’t out his brain started to kick back to life and he went to the door to talk. 

Which ended in Neil lazily mumbling the words to whatever song Kevin had been listening to loudly on the plane after he was overly annoyed with Neil telling Andrew he loved him. 

Neil thought it was all rather funny and kept singing to Andrew until the door wrenched open and he glared at Neil. 

“No.”

Neil grinned. He’d stopped singing but annoyance seemed to rather quickly derail Andrew’s panic attack. Neil filed the information away for later. 

“M sleepy,” Neil said grinning more at Andrew’s scowl.

“And high as fuck,” he grumbled. “Go get in bed,” he said pointing at the bed.

“But I wanna make sure you’re okay,” Neil said with concern. 

“I am. I’m coming to bed. Go,” Andrew said leaning on the door frame.

With a sigh, Neil trudged to bed and sat down. 

“Change your clothes,” Andrew said from the bathroom doorway.

Neil groaned and stood up going to the dresser. Part of him wanted to just curl up in bed and he’d done it before, but he’d dance for Andrew if it kept his attention elsewhere. 

Neil changed out of his travel clothes and into a clean shirt and his boxers. It was easier to see just how beat up the Raven game left him. He looked like he’d been run over by a car. The medpatch was focused on his ribs, but it flooded his system with pain killers that kept the other bruises unnoticed until they were out in the light for all eyes to see. 

Andrew crossed the room when Neil took a seat on the bed again. He’d been in the shower, Neil could see his hair was damp, and he was in clean sweats and a clean Fox sweatshirt. 

Neil’s clean Fox sweatshirt Neil noticed and gave a sleepy smile.

“You look like shit,” Andrew said reaching for his cigarettes. Neil shrugged. 

“When don’t I?” he asked. When he’d first barged into Andrew’s condo with a broken wrist felt like an entire lifetime ago.

Neil laughed and Andrew blew smoke in his face. 

“Go to bed,” Andrew said. Neil yawned. 

“Don’t wanna without you,” he said but his body was moving under the covers and settling back. Andrew sighed and crossed the room. He got a book, stubbed out his cigarette, and got in bed with Neil.

“Happy?” he asked and Neil answered his scowl with a sleepy smile. 

“Yeah,” he said eyes drooping. “Promise you’ll wake me if you need to?”

“Yeah,” Andrew said as Neil drifted off. He hoped Andrew would but he was too tired to keep protesting. 

 

“Neil get the fuck up,” Andrew snapped and Neil’s eyes flew open. 

“What?” he asked disoriented. His head was pounding.

Someone was pounding on the door. 

He gave Andrew an even more confused look but Andrew was on his phone looking over tired. He doubted Andrew had slept. 

“What’s going on?”

“Make him go away. It’s the third time he’s been here and won’t fucking leave,” Andrew said bitterly and Kevin started shouting.

Neil got up, holding his side and moving slow, and opened the door.

“Okay you’re alive,” he said looking down at Neil. “Come eat.”

“What time is it?” Neil asked leaving the warmth of the bedroom and shut Andrew inside.

“Just after eight,” Kevin said. He’d already set out prepared food on the island. Neil sat and let Kevin shove food in front of him. 

“Like before, with accelerated healing it’s best to intake more calories. Even though this time it’s short, I don’t want you to waste away or fall behind,” he said putting a smoothie in front of Neil and then dumping an entire protein packet into it. 

“Yeah I know,” Neil said eating. His side wasn’t in pain, still wasn’t in pain, but it was stiff and tight and rather uncomfortable. Either way, healing seemed to suck ass.

He drank the chalky smoothie and ate all his breakfast before another wave of tiredness swept through him. He sighed, laying his head on the table. He considered making Andrew something even though he knew the chance of Andrew eating was very low.

“Wymack said you’re out for three days so you can review tape,” Kevin said. “And here,” he added setting down a tub of theraputty. Neil had used it while healing before. 

“Thanks,” Neil said. 

“I’m just trying to make this down time not a complete waste,” Kevin said, a slightly hostile tone clouding his words. 

Neil shrugged, not surprised. “Yeah okay,” he said and picked up the tub. He went to the cabinet and got some chocolate protein bars hoping to maybe convince Andrew to eat one.

 

Andrew was lying down when Neil returned, but he was still awake. He sat up when Neil laid down.

“Kevin wanted to feed me and lecture me about falling behind,” Neil said. Andrew snorted and Neil held out the protein bar, but Andrew shook his head. “I’m gonna fall back asleep,” Neil said eyes drooping. 

“Okay,” Andrew said lighting up. 

“Wake me if you need me,” Neil murmured, drifting off before he heard Andrew if he answered. 

 

Neil woke again for Kevin’s lunch. Andrew was gone but the shower was running. 

“Can’t I just sleep?” Neil grumbled and Kevin glared.

He set chicken and salad and more chicken in front of Neil with a protein shake to wash it all down with. 

Neil ate it without tasting anything. Kevin was a good cook, but Neil could hear the running water in the background and all his attention was pulled to it. 

“I’ll be back for dinner,” Kevin said and Neil finally noticed he looked like he was heading to the gym.

The Foxes had the day off, but obviously that meant nothing to Kevin. Neil felt the sting of not being able to go with him. There was still no pain, but his body was so drained that it was apparent that he was healing. 

“I left a snack for you too,” Kevin added picking up his gym bag while Neil got up to do his dishes. 

“Okay,” he said, leaving his dishes in the sink in favor of rushing to the bedroom and pressing himself against the bathroom door. “Andrew!” he called, resisting the urge to knock on the door. His own heart was pounding even with sleep trying to pull him to bed. 

He rested his forehead against the door. 

“Andrew!” he tried again with no luck. The shower was still running. He didn’t dare open the door, but the part of his brain that wasn’t begging for sleepy was sounding the alarm. Under the haze of tiredness, his anxiety was ramping up.

He took a deep breath and started murmuring the words to Kevin’s song. 

The door wrenched open sending Neil windmilling into the steamy bathroom. 

When he caught himself he looked at Andrew who was damp but fully dressed. He glared at Neil. 

“I hate Kevin’s stupid electro-rockcore shit,” Andrew said. Neil hadn’t heard of the genre but from what he could hear blaring from Kevin, it sounded like what came thumping out of seedy clubs.

“Do you like music?” Neil asked. He’d listened to stuff here and there but didn’t have favorites. His mother had only listened to classical piano and while enjoyable, it wasn’t what Neil put on in his free time. 

When he put music on it was listed under the embarrassing genre of hardcore-dance-bubble-pop. But it was mindless with a beat he could get lost in. 

“Usually stuff without words,” Andrew said. “Sometimes with words, but nothing with too much synth or high pitched electric that screeches in my ears. And nothing Nicky or Kevin has ever enjoyed or put on in the house.”

“I guess I’ve never heard you listen to music,” Neil said finally moving out of the bathroom back into the bedroom. Andrew followed. 

“Roland loves music. Hates what he cranks in the club, but considered himself a connoisseur and gave me stuff to listen to. Other times I’d listen to classical to block out yelling and arguing when I did homework. I had a music studies class my freshman year of high school too and often was told to just listen to the music and shut up,” Andrew said. 

“I didn’t go to high school,” Neil said. It was probably the first time he’d ever said it out loud. He had never needed to before. 

“It’s a waste of time,” Andrew said sitting on the bed and putting on his glasses. Neil felt his ears burn as his heart kicked up at the sight of Andrew who just frowned. 

“I was… I was slated to go to this rich kids school in uptown where we lived,” he said swallowing thickly as he tried not to openly oogle Andrew. He was failing. His brain was too fuzzy.

“And what? Watch kids bum around poor people drugs to look cool?” Andrew asked. Neil nodded. Andrew rolled his eyes. “Go to sleep before you hurt yourself.”

“But you’re so nice to look at,” Neil said. 

“And I will smother you with a pillow,” Andrew said giving Neil a manic grin that reminded Neil of their first meeting. 

“I didn’t like that Andrew,” he said softly; laying down and pulling the covers up to his chin. 

Andrew looked at him, smile faded and blank features back in place. 

“No one did,” he said. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Coming down from the medpath wasn’t that bad, but playing ten hours after removal was clearly a poor choice. 

 

Neil stumbled off the court with three minutes left in the first period. He’d been trying to push through the aching in his side and the sweating, but he was now seconds from vomiting and possibly passing out. 

“Tell Andrew I’m fine,” he’d mumbled to Kevin before rushing off, not wanting to puke all over himself in front of a crowd. 

Wymack had said he shouldn’t play, but if Neil wanted to he wouldn’t stop him.

He was pretty sure Abby was running after him as he burst into the locker room, tore off his helmet, and vomited mostly water into the garbage can. 

He held the sides with white knuckles while he caught his breath. He felt dizzy and hot and it was making him feel sicker. 

He let go and took a few more shuffling steps into the locker room before collapsing on the floor and pressing his face into the wonderfully cold cement.

He knew he was basically going through acute withdrawal. His symptoms were in the normal range but he felt like absolute death warmed over and having pushed himself in the game had exacerbated everything.

The brand of medpatch was familiar to Neil and while it was full of drugs that tended to lead to possibly liver or kidney problems as well as elevated heart rate, those issues tended to happen if the medpatch wasn’t used properly as Neil’s had been. 

For a price that neared ridiculous extortion, medpatch companies actually knew what they were doing and weren’t trying to kill people. 

A bottle of unnaturally blue G-STOP was placed next to Neil with a straw. He squinted up at Abby.

“It has the best electrolyte count,” she said. 

“Didn’t know star athletes would drink something so common,” Neil mumbled and took a sip before pressing his head back to the floor. G-STOP was only sold in the lower level. Neil grew up hearing rumors it was actually G-SPOT because it was so pleasurable to drink. 

He’d never admit to feeling slightly sad that the rumored name wasn’t true because it was extremely good and extremely cheap.

The door burst open but Neil didn’t move. 

“I came to check on you after Wymack forced Andrew to stay in the goal,” Matt said in a rush. Neil was surprised it was Matt. 

“I’m okay but feel like shit,” Neil muttered into the floor. 

“He shouldn’t have played with the withdrawal,” Abby filled in. “But Wymack said he needed a rest from arguing and maybe if Neil learned the hard way he’d stop being such a thorn in his side.”

“You look like shit,” Matt said. Neil scowled.

“Feel like shit,” he said rolling his eyes, which ended up hurting. "I just said that," he whined and moved his arm to cover his face better. Blocking out the light made him feel way less dizzy.

“Do you want to move?” Matt asked hesitantly.

“Not really,” Neil said. The door banged open. 

“You smell like shit,” Andrew barked at him. 

“Feel like it too,” Neil said once again and without moving. 

“You’re an idiot,” Andrew told him. 

“I know,” Neil sighed and the door opened and closed again. “Andrew left?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Matt said and Neil finally moved to take another sip.

“Good. I don’t want him to waste time worrying.”

“There were bets on you being a masochist,” Matt said, humor in his voice.

Neil snorted. “I just know when hurting is actually a problem.”

“Really?” Matt asked, sounding very skeptical. Andrew would have gotten the truth, but Matt just got a weak attempt at a shrug from Neil. He just didn’t like to worry Andrew even though that was all he ever seemed to do.

He was always a walking disaster waiting to happen, but being around Andrew made Neil much more aware of it. 

With his mother, he ignored it because a misstep was a beating and he didn’t want to ever think about it. Instead he poured concentration into trying to do everything right. 

Maybe that had made him more reckless. 

“I can stay with him,” Neil heard Abby tell Matt. He must have agreed because Neil listened to the door open and shut. 

“Let me know if you want to get up,” Abby said and Neil was pretty sure she’d sat on the floor with him. 

He grunted in response. 

As his mind drifted towards sleep, he was bombarded with memories of Andrew wearing his glasses the last three days. Neil had half-heartedly told him it was unnecessary, but luckily Andrew kept them on and ignored Neil. 

Even when Neil in his drugged state got all gooey and perpetually half hard. He didn’t even want to do anything, to which Andrew said they definitely would not while Neil was on painkillers, but it was just the way his body seemed to further appreciate Andrew in his glasses. 

He vaguely remembered Kevin staring at the front of his sweats, but he never said anything that didn’t relate to how Neil needed to spend his recovery. Although he did drop in the occasional condescending remark about falling behind and becoming a waste of his time. 

Andrew had only snorted when Neil whined. 

He’d said Neil was Kevin’s project and in being so it gave Kevin more purpose then he’d ever had in his life. 

He was already an Exy star. He’d been a star for awhile and it was time for him to show the world he could make other stars. 

“Don’t let that go to your head,” Andrew said when Neil smiled. “No one can ever replicate Kevin Day’s amount of talent.”

“What about you?”

Andrew snorted again. 

“But you’re an amazing goalie,” Neil said. Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Kevin Day is exceptionally good at all positions. Striker is just where he excels even more. But you could easily put him in for anything and he’d shine,” Andrew explained. 

Neil nodded. He’d seen glimpses of it. 

“I still think you are an amazing goalie,” Neil said and Andrew closed his book. He yawned and lit up without looking at Neil and Neil was pretty sure he’d embarrassed him. 

 

“How are you feeling, Neil?” Abby asked when he stirred. He curled in on himself and blinked sleep out of his eyes.

He must have dozed off. 

Andrew looked down at him. He was sitting; glasses on and cigarette between his lips. 

“I’m fine,” Neil croaked. Andrew nudged the G-STOP towards him and he drank.

“Half time is just ending,” Andrew told Neil. “We can go when you want. I played the second quarter so that we could leave at half,” he filled in before Neil asked. Neil nodded and got on all fours. 

The nausea was gone and so was the dizziness. 

“Finish that before you go,” Abby said nodding towards the G-STOP. Neil sighed and picked it up. He slowly sat back on his heels and drank it slowly. 

Abby left them alone and Neil looked at Andrew. He was still in his uniform. He was even still wearing one glove and his helmet was in his lap. His pads were still on which made Neil realize how uncomfortable his own were. 

He felt hot and sweaty and ready to get out of everything. 

He started with the velcro when the G-STOP was gone. He kept glancing at Andrew while he slowly worked his way down to just his shorts and undershirt. 

Andrew kept his eyes on Neil the entire time and when Neil was freed without struggle, he made quick work of his own pads. 

“Can I shower at home?” Neil asked quietly. Andrew gave him a look that said don’t ask stupid questions. 

Neil huffed a laugh and Andrew started picking up Neil’s padding. 

“Do you need help getting up?” Andrew going to their lockers. 

Neil looked at the ground and took a deep breath before pushing to his feet. He only swayed once and then felt okay. “No, I’m up,” Neil said and walked to their lockers. Andrew had pulled on his sweats and sweatshirt. Neil took his own sweatshirt from his locker but didn’t put it on. He was too hot. 

He shut his locker slowly and turned to stare at Andrew who was lighting up a new cigarette. 

He scowled at Neil and Neil smiled. 

“Can I kiss you now?” Neil asked in almost a whisper. 

Andrew pulled his cigarette from his lips looking almost like he was debating it. 

“Yes,” he breathed pushing his lips against Neil’s. 

Neil groaned as tension melted from his body. He’d been waiting so long. 

Andrew’s glasses pushed into his face, but he enjoyed it.

“Touch me,” he mumbled as he braced his own hand on the locker to his right. “Anywhere,” he told Andrew as he submitted to the kiss and let Andrew push his tongue into his mouth. 

Andrew's  free hand immediately threaded through Neil’s hair and didn’t let him move from his lips. Not that Neil wanted to. He wanted more.

He needed more. 

“When we get home,” Andrew said abruptly breaking the kiss and leaving Neil gasping with a semi. 

He stared at Andrew and nodded. “Yes,” he said breathless.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this listening to Hozier's Angel Of Small Death and the Codine Scene on repeat and I felt it just had the right vibe for this chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> Also warnings for some panicky vibes and mentions of blood.

Neil had faint memories of Thanksgiving from when he was little. Faceless friends and relatives occupied most of them along with his mother dwarfed in the back by the monster of his father that sat in the forefront of the memories.

He clogged them up overpowering the conversation and the food. He stalked through Neil’s childhood memories making the burns burn and the cuts bleed.

Nothing was celebrated when he and his mother left. 

Holidays simply became another day. Even his birthday ceased to exist. 

Neil could mark their passing with various calendars, but it was usually the way the underbelly acted for the holidays. 

The lights, the clothes, the specials were all to draw in paying customers. 

 

_ Eden’s Twilight’s  _ purple and blue lights were red for the holidays. He might have known it before Andrew confirmed it, but either way Andrew said it the moment Neil noticed.

“I hate the red lights the most,” Andrew said before pushing past Neil to the bar. 

Kevin was already absorbed in the crowd along with Aaron. 

Erik had flown in and kept Nicky in the upper ring. Nicky still tried to come with them, but Neil assured him that they’d be able to handle it. 

He left out the probably.

Neil looked at his hands bathed red in the light and wondered if Andrew hated that it looked like blood or hated the reminder of holidays.

“Where is he?”

Neil’s head snapped up and he looked at Aaron. Even in the messy light Neil could see how his pupils were blown. 

“Went to the bar,” he said and Aaron grunted before disappearing again.

Katelyn was home with her family. 

Aaron said he didn’t want to go because he hated holidays.

Nicky told Neil that her family didn’t want Aaron there. A fact Aaron was well aware of.

So Andrew brought him to a safe haven for drugs where other eyes could watch him and make sure he wasn’t too stupid while Andrew himself decompressed.

They’d gone to Wymack’s for Thanksgiving dinner. Apparently it was tradition and one that Andrew seemed to comply with.

He didn’t say much, as Neil expected, and Neil watched him push his food around on his plate and eat nothing. 

When everyone got up to mingle, Neil tried to get Andrew to eat. 

When they were alone in the kitchen he ate a small piece of turkey, two spoonfuls of sweet potatoes, and a piece of pie. 

Neil counted that as a win since he expected Andrew to eat nothing with so many people around and it being the holidays.

“Wymack never has squash,” Andrew said lighting up his second cigarette. 

“He does sweet potatoes instead I think,” Neil said and Andrew shrugged. “Do you want squash? I think I can make it,” Neil said. Andrew looked at him for a long, blank moment. 

“We need to go out. Aaron is going to self destruct,” he said to change the subject. Neil nodded. Aaron had been rough all day. Katelyn had left the previous night after their game and Aaron went to Nicky’s and hadn’t been sober in close to twenty-four hours.

Erik was worried, but everyone knew provoking Aaron was a shit idea. 

So they headed down, down, down and Neil ordered some squash and looked up how to prepare it.

 

Neil took his water when Andrew returned with a drink tray. The other two materialized to get their drinks before being swallowed again by the crowd.

Andrew downed three shots rapid fire and then turned to Neil. 

The light turned him to blood. It soaked through Andrew’s hair and ran down his face to get lost in black clothes. 

Neil could feel the blood running hot down his back and he shook his head. 

The memories were old and ancient. They were blurry and dusty. None of it was real. There was no blood and there especially wasn’t blood on Andrew.

Neil sipped his water and tried not to fray apart. The heavy hands on him were ghosts that moved to the bass. 

He tried to stare at all the tiny shot glasses Andrew was stacking when they were empty, but the longer Neil looked the sharper they looked. The gleam became threatening, beckoning him to remember how glass felt biting his flesh.

The glass glowed red with blood and Neil felt like he was actually going insane. 

“I’m going outside to smoke,” Andrew said, moving away from the table; caught in the red tide of the room. 

Neil swam after him desperate.

 

Outside, Andrew walked around to the back where the door to the apartment was in the dark alley. 

Neil smelled her cigarettes before they passed Marseille perched like a gargoyle on the trash bin near the apartment door. 

She didn’t move, but her eyes tracked Neil in the ember light. He watched her as he passed and followed Andrew just out of earshot of her. Where the alley was all dark, cold light and the noise from the streets was muffled with the thump of  _ Eden’s Twilight. _

Andrew handed Neil the lit cigarette before lighting another. 

“Is she always there?” Neil asked in a low voice. Andrew shrugged.

“Usually. She stays out and Jax prowls inside.”

“Jax?” Neil asked and Andrew gave him a long look as he shoved his hands into his coat pockets. 

“For someone rummaging around in the underbelly, you aren’t very observant. They are everywhere and if you look, they aren’t like the trash stuck to these streets.”

“I never knew about them,” Neil said and Andrew shook his head. 

“They tried to find your trail and we hit dead end after dead end,” Andrew said. “They didn’t outright say it, but you moved like one of them. Maybe you’re lucky or maybe your mother knew.”

Neil thought about it. She mentioned his uncle a handful of times and well, she would have gotten her skills somewhere…

“It’s almost been a year since I met you,” Andrew said and Neil turned to him shocked. “January 5th,” he filled in.

“We have an away game that day,” Neil said automatically. Andrew rolled his eyes. 

“The day you’re looking for is March 26th,” Andrew said. Neil cocked his head. 

“Would you consider that our anniversary? Of like this?” Neil asked pointing between them. Andrew scowled. 

“We are going to Roland’s apartment until Aaron is ready to leave,” he said and Neil held up a hand.

“Wait what? What is going on?”

“We are going into Roland’s apartment until Aaron is ready to leave,” Andrew repeated. Neil nodded. “And then I’ll put March 26th in your calendar so it can remind you since you’ve never actually known what the date is,” Andrew explained and paused. He looked up at Neil. “I don’t like the panic in your eyes in the club.”

“Oh,” Neil said not realizing it was showing. “I just… holidays are weird…” Neil said lamely. He felt shame prickle inside him even though he knew Andrew didn’t care. He just felt all his hard work to keep it under wraps was for nothing. 

“I know,” Andrew said stubbing out his cigarette. Neil followed suit and then held out his frozen hand. 

There was no hesitation, Andrew just took Neil’s hand in his and laced their cold fingers together. 

Andrew lead them to the door and punched in the numbers under Marseille’s unblinking gaze. 

With the world shut out and stairs to climb, Neil felt a little better. Things felt more normal somehow and tomorrow it would be back to Exy and forgetting holidays for a few weeks. 

He tried not to think about Christmas or New Years and instead tried to focus on the heat of Andrew’s palm or the rough pull of his callouses.

“Can I put January 5th in my phone too?” Neil asked as Andrew turned on the kitchen lights and got two glasses of water. 

He looked over his shoulder at Neil.

“I told you the dates because I want you to,” he said turning back to the sink. Neil sat down. “They are important to me and I know they’ll be important to you too,” Andrew murmured. 

Neil smiled; feeling the most relaxed he’d felt all day.


End file.
